Posts

Showing posts from 2022

Bullet Journal 2022-05-23 Monday

Image
Things are actually pretty good today, but just feeling a little depressed? Not sure what to do with myself Feeling kind of anti-social still What's going on? What's the best thing to do now to move forward? Been thinking a lot about needing to focus on the big picture Need to discover what life is asking of me Need to move forward on this even if everything else gets in the way New life ahead? How will it feel? Can I make a good start of it? Started reading Skyward by Brandon Sanderson Already caught me in the prologue Made the assumption this would simply be a story about the daughter of a hero pilot who dies defending their home and now has to live up to his reputation Surprised by the actual premise Watched a little of TL and friends playing Betrayal at House on the Hill on Twitch Still need to reply to Shade Not sure why I'm having trouble with that Playing Lost Ark still Feels kind of lonely in the game Not seeing any sort of chat at all

Bullet Journal 2022-05-19 Thursday

Image
There is a limit to the time assigned to you, and if you don't use it to free yourself it will be gone and never return. — Marcus Aurelius Project PP complete Results came sooner than expected Everything worked out great Some precautions ended up being unnecessary Definitely better than the other way around Lots of little issues popping up Lots of interruptions also Keeping myself from going crazy with all the inputs Should be fine Reminded of the above prayer from Marcus Aurelius Time is limited Need to make the best of things for what matters

Bullet Journal 2022-05-17 Tuesday

Image
Feeling somewhat like my turtle (anti-social) mode now Nothing particularly bad, just lots of inputs or things to think about Feels important to make some good choices on direction now Felt like Neo in the Matrix today Where he was returning to the Matrix for the first time after being freed He was riding in the car and looking at various places around town Mentioned that he use to eat at a particular restaurant Said something about how the noodles taste good there Feel like that as I go around the city here in Taiwan Feel like this isn't real anymore I'm just waiting to return to the "real world" of the US Like I've been living in the Matrix this whole time Started playing Lost Ark recently Playing for short periods here and there Kind of fun, but don't feel fully engaged yet Maybe because I can't fully invest much time in it? Playing on same server as Shade, but haven't told him yet Originally started as Gunslinger, but switched to Glaivier

Bullet Journal 2022-05-14 Saturday

Image
Completed Project AT Nice alternate path came up Took tiring work to pull it through, but ended up successful Project AF will need to be pushed back somewhat, but should be fine Continuing to read Harrow the Ninth Currently 37% done Becoming more interesting again Feeling better

Bullet Journal 2022-05-12 Thursday

Image
Finished reading Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman last week It was interesting to read these stories from Norse mythology. I didn't really care for them much, but still good to know the background, which was why I wanted to read this. The actual storytelling was probably as good as it could get for these stories. Trying to return to reading Harrow the Ninth May look for something else

Bullet Journal 2022-05-11 Wednesday

Image
Project AP became much simpler than I expected 🙂 Reviewed documentation again carefully Found where I had made a wrong assumption last year Everything is actually working out as best as possible Found out Shade lost his older brother last year Watched him play Ori some, which he had played with his brother before Very beautiful game with enchanting soundtrack Feel like things are coming together Attempting to keep positive attitude regardless of setbacks Think of how others go through similar or worse Hope for way to help others more in the future

Bullet Journal 2022-05-10 Tuesday

Image
Project PP almost complete Mostly went smoothly Small hiccup discovered afterwards, but correctable Still need to wait for final results Need to focus on Project AP now Some parts are confusing Many steps involved, going to be stressful Need to rely on someone frustrating to work with Joined 2nd Secret Palpatine game on FoL Hiring SM on Fiverr to make FoL Archive searchable Google, Yandex, and Bing have all given disappointing results SM is moving everything into a database

Bullet Journal 2022-05-07 Saturday

Image
Things are so-so Some worrisome things have passed just fine Things are looking more positive for the future Posting this late since I never got around to writing more

Bullet Journal 2022-05-03 Tuesday

Image
Sometimes I want so badly to complain Especially about an injustice or unfairness But if the complaining does nothing, should I? If it is just venting? Or is it better to endure in silence? I know the frustration has to be released But perhaps other forms of release like meditation are better than venting Often when dwelling on unfairness in my head, I find myself just going in circles and circles Why do some people with insecurities choose to take them out on others? While other people learn to become more empathic towards others? As I've lived life, I feel I've become better at seeing things through the eyes of others Even when I don't necessary have the same exact problems or to the same degree, my imagination is developed enough where I feel I can picture what it must be like Sometimes I feel this strongly enough that it makes me cry Sometimes I even worry about thinking on such things too long since it can hurt my soul Continuing to watch Shade's gaming streams wit

Bullet Journal 2022-04-29 Friday

Image
Coming to see more and more of the benefits of moving Up and down, up and down Need time to rest Need time to meditate Lots of thoughts, just can't get the words out

Yor

Image
I'm changing my profile pic to a character named Yor from a new anime called Spy x Family. Artwork of her has suddenly been coming up all over the place. I watched the first couple episodes and it does look like it will be a fun show. 🙂

Bullet Journal 2022-04-26 Tuesday

Image
Up and down, up and down Created Discord server for Miach last week Called it Miach's World Just for Miach to invite friends Right now just Shade and myself Shade started streaming games on there He had been streaming with Miach before Now I can sometimes catch their stream or just chat with them Yesterday I watched him play Horizon Zero Dawn Osie's invitational game ended on FoL Orange's invitational game starting soon on FoL One big "blue" problem from over the years was finally resolved today Working on an urgent problem that came up today Checked out Scruffy's blog Looks like he posted about Guardian Tales in February

Bullet Journal 2022-04-20 Wednesday

Image
You have to assemble your life yourself, action by action. — Marcus Aurelius Chatting with Miach a bit again She was having trouble with her email Remembering TSO (The Shadow Order) guild from War of Genesis Preparing for a trip Continuing to watch Witcher season 2 Finished through episode 5 Getting quite interesting Can't concentrate much today

Bullet Journal 2022-04-18 Monday

Image
Nice chat with Miach today She's very sweet Probably should chat with her more She watches Shade stream games Not sure how I'm feeling Sometimes feel better and more hopeful But then that easily gets smothered by certain people and events How can I live more like the Stoics? Watched episodes 1 and 2 of Witcher season 2 Liking it a lot so far Love Ciri and Geralt Not sure how I feel about Yennefer this time around

Bullet Journal 2022-04-16 Saturday

Image
Your principles can't be extinguished unless you snuff out the thoughts that feed them, for it's continually in your power to reignite new ones... It's possible to start living again! See things anew as you once did — that is how to restart life! — Marcus Aurelius Trip coming up next week Orange's invitational FM game on FoL coming up soon as well Helping to host Starting to use PrayerMate app again Still have prayers and quotes from before Some very inspirational, like the one above from Marcus Aurelius Feel like I need to use this daily again Slowed down in reading lately Need to pick back up on that Wondering about Constantyne Wondering about Vulgard Watched a little of season 2 of Witcher as preview Looks like it will be very interesting again Read that season 3 in the works

Bullet Journal 2022-04-13 Wednesday

Image
Feel like I'm in a severe funk Don't want to do anything at all Busy morning Then had headache for much of rest of day Now getting a bit better Still have another health issue bothering me for past week and half Still just can't bring myself to feel like doing anything Thought about trying to just write here Finished filing my taxes couple days ago Seem to always delay every year Usually feel that it was simpler than I expected Good results from a report today Extremely happy and relieved about that Feel so lost Don't even know what I'm seeking Don't know what would make me happy Trying to find consolation in things that use to make me happy

Bullet Journal 2022-04-08 Friday

Image
My life is a blur Don't know what to make of it sometimes Feel so out of control Feel like things just keep coming at me See a light of hope sometimes See a way out of the storm Can I make my way out? Reading Harrow the Ninth Feeling more into it this time around Watching Avatar again One of my favorite movies Feel so frustrated and angry sometimes Need time out periods Need time for meditation Need to gain perspective So many hopes and dreams still Do I even attempt them?

Bullet Journal 2022-04-01 Friday

Image
Falling back on simple Bullet Journal Really feel need to write, but can't find focus for more complete writing Thoughts in my head driving me crazy Reading stuff in #lgbt-zone channel of Breadbox My heart goes out to some of these people Wish some way in heaven and earth that I could help Teetering on depression Keeping myself from dwelling on thoughts that I know could bring me down Found that I need to go back to watching inspirational videos Let me release my emotions to some extent I do still feel a light of hope through all this I know I can make it God or someone or something has always been watching over me For this I am truly thankful Want to write about some ongoing games on FoL Might try continuing to read Harrow the Ninth next

Bullet Journal 2022-03-29 Tuesday

Image
Feel like my head might explode Way too many inputs at the moment Really needed to just write this Really want to write more Trying to stay calm throughout Lots of rain recently Reading Classroom of the Elite Vol. 3 Good lessons

Bullet Journal 2022-03-25 Friday

Image
Organizing bit by bit WindwardAway sent me DM asking if I was interested in joining Osie's game on FoL First of all, I was pleasantly surprised to get the message from WWA Not sure what prompted her to ask She's not a co-host for the game It's wonderful when people reach out like this Previously I decided not to join because a game like this will be difficult to keep up with Now I'm considering again She said she won't try hard for the 1st day or 2 I probably wouldn't be able to do much for 1st day or 2 since it starts on the Tomb Sweeping Festival 4-day weekend Also talked about Magnus' RP game on FoL Also want to join that, but not sure I could focus on it Feel like I'd be disappointed and possibly frustrated Started reading Thinking in Bets again from where I'd paused

My wish for writing

Image
I wish so much that I could write more freely. That I would be held back so much from writing what's on my mind. I've been considering what impedes me. I'm pretty sure a part is simply that I don't feel confident. I don't know whether my words will be considered seriously. Or they may be misinterpreted. Or that I will look silly for the ideas I present. Another aspect is somewhat related but a slightly different focus. I feel so strongly that I can't get into words all my true thoughts. And this annoys me. I have an idea in my mind and think that there's no way I can get it completely into words. No matter how hard I might try. So then it feels almost a disservice to even try. That I'm making an inferior version of the idea by putting it into words. I know this is all silly. People realize that words don't necessarily convey everything but that a person still needs to try. And I also realize that this improves over time with practice. The more I writ

Bullet Journal 2022-03-22 Tuesday

Image
Finished reading The Sword of Kaigen Rated 4/5 stars I like all the "real life" themes presented in this story. A lot of coming to terms with what we didn't previously know. Things that were misunderstood. And learning acceptance of other people and ourselves. I was kind of annoyed by the unnecessary usage of special names for time durations like minutes, hours, and such. It just added unnecessary confusion. I understand how a fantasy or sci-fi writer does this to make the world more obviously foreign. And maybe to specifically show that the time scales are slightly different on this other world. But it just comes across as annoying. I was sad to read in the afterword that the author doesn't plan to continue with this series anytime soon. It seems like this could really be a cool world to explore. Considering what to read next Maybe next Classroom of the Elite Also should maybe focus on continuing with non-fiction book already started Joining Seth's game on FoL Fe

Bullet Journal 2022-03-21 Monday

Image
Listening to post-rock again to soothe myself while walking SBPC game on FoL was a success Some people seemed genuinely interested in the results Nice to see talk about old times People got to learn about early history of site DatBird was nice to specifically compliment my hosting Orange asked me to be one of the co-hosts for his upcoming invitational again He said he liked how well I handled the other one I said that I probably could Hopefully my schedule will work out He said "you're awesome, genuinely" 🙂 That was especially nice coming from him Thinking about joining Osie's game on FoL Seems kind of like a mini-mash Might not require too much investment, which I wouldn't have time for Though could have tons of posts Almost done reading The Sword of Kaigen Found time to meditate today Really need to do this more often Sometimes try at night, but usually feel too sleepy Scruffy contacted me today Should contact Miach soon

Bullet Journal 2022-03-18 Friday

Image
Not feeling so well lately Kind of frustrated with multiple things Feeling my anger rise easily Also feeling a bit weird physically Not exactly sick or anything Just kind of tired I guess SBPC game working out fairly well so far Considering whether to try playing single-player PC game Been hearing about Stellaris a lot Also maybe rogue-like games Started watching anime called Bofuri Kind of cute Not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post, but came up with idea for Emoji Charades game Players can only use emoji on the forums to describe a phrase to their teammate Probably going to use movie titles Also considered doing a story version Players have to tell a story with emoji and see if someone else can retell the story correctly Missing my friend Scruffy recently For some reason I'm hesitant to ask what's been happening Hope he's doing fine Found that listening to post-rock music calms me somewhat Helps me deal with turmoil inside Many people think classical music is cal

Bullet Journal 2022-03-15 Tuesday

Image
My SBPC (Sort By Post Count) game now in signups on FoL Watched Classroom of the Elite anime through episode 7 Episode 7 was slightly beyond where I had read in the light novels Might read next light novel after finishing Sword of Kaigen Cleaning up a bit here and there Feel like I'm moving too slowly Oh, talked with Arete briefly about a fanfic post Another section is a meditation on her popular understanding as the god of fighting Evil. She refers to it, herself, as being the god of defeating Evil, and She thinks it an important difference. When children are learning to swordfight, they commonly try to swing their sword at the enemy's sword, seeing that swordfighting often involves weapons clashing in this fashion and thinking that to swordfight you ought to clash your weapon in this fashion. But when you swing a sword, you should be trying to kill or cripple the other person. They might bring their sword down in your way, they might not, but a swordfight is not your aim; it

Bullet Journal 2022-03-13 Sunday

Image
Yesterday and today somewhat relaxing Mainly because a certain person is out of town 🙂 Feels like less socializing recently Getting done with some stuff Want to plan out more Continuing to read The Sword of Kaigen Connecting more with female MC We are very different, yet also much the same in certain aspects Aspects like hiding who we are and doing what is expected from family and society Feel somewhat on the edge of despair I feel fine really However get the feeling that things could tip over easily Can't let that happen Started watching anime for Classroom of the Elite

Bullet Journal 2022-03-10 Thursday

Image
Days going by so quickly Feel so-so Mostly tired Somewhat depressed Thought I wanted to write a lot Can't get my thoughts in order now Want to fight for something Listening to podcasts Reading Guess I stopped playing Mobile Legends Feeling somewhat lonely

Bullet Journal 2022-03-03 Thursday

Image
Mind swirling around a lot lately Both good and bad events recently, though nothing major either way Finished reading Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals Rated 5/5 stars Excellent book, except for perhaps the last chapter on hope Want so badly to review my notes and highlights Should search for summary notes or video Started reading  The Sword of Kaigen Helping Marshal host FM game on FoL Joined Secret Palpatine game on FoL Variant of Secret Hitler, which I've heard about often but never played yet

Bullet Journal 2022-02-26 Saturday

Image
Where do I belong? Been wondering if I really belong with FoL group Don't feel like I belong anywhere Should I seek out another group online somewhere? Realize it takes awhile to establish roots with any group Also can never truly completely belong with any group Always will be differences that make a person feel apart Stopped playing Mobile Legends recently Wish I could play Lost Ark

Bullet Journal 2022-02-25 Friday

Image
Ukraine situation is sad to witness People have been warning me about Taiwan's situation is now more dangerous Can nothing be done to stop this madness? Continuing to read Four Thousand Weeks Excellent book Find myself highlighting so much Changing my outlook on life Going to take another break from Forum Mafia Might not play for next 6 months Need to reply to lots of messages yet

Bullet Journal 2022-02-24 Thursday

Image
Noticed that things keep hitting me from multiple angles to discourage me Like even current events in news Then political discussions I read Then just opinions people express that don't seem thought out Then little problems here and there in daily life Like things breaking Things causing problems So much all conspiring to take me out Also the constant input even if "good for me" Working on adding user avatars to posts on FoL Archive Keeping track of post counts Might put together guessing game

Bullet Journal 2022-02-20 Sunday

Image
Up and down, up and down Finished reading  Children of the Nameless Rated 4/5 stars This is a good tale. Felt too short. Not really the same world-building from Sanderson I'm use to since I think he had to fit things into the backstory from the MtG universe. Still interesting though and if like to see a sequel. Reading  Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals Excellent and thought-provoking so far Eager to keep reading Trying to apply this to some extent to my life Difficult Want to write much more about this Been highlighting a lot

Bullet Journal 2022-02-18 Friday

Image
Feel like I'm on the cusp of falling into despair again If pause and think, realize this is absurd Not enough to despair about Big part is probably how tired I am Also, just suddenly received unexpected demands Still have lots of other demands on my time Delaying tasks All building up to dangerous levels Up to this point, relatively proud of how I've been handling emotions Successful at stopping myself from dwelling too much on things I can't do much about Making myself move forward with action when doubting myself Feeling in the flow Feeling okay about skipping things temporarily Feeling optimistic about future Meditation has helped Reading has helped Podcasts have helped Music has helped Socializing has helped

Bullet Journal 2022-02-15 Tuesday

Image
Continuing to develop idea of personal RPG sheet Meditating today was helpful Need to continue with this Still reading Children of the Nameless Getting more interesting Thinking about my future

Bullet Journal 2022-02-14 Monday

Image
Lots to get done this week Working on preparing better Feeling so old as I get closer and closer to 40 Feel like I'm running out of time Joined FM game on FoL Been feeling like joining a game for awhile Not many backups needed recently Thought I should join this game based on an anime Didn't think any other upcoming ones looked as enjoyable Set up custom search engine for FoL Archive through Yandex FoL Search Guy on Fiverr had mentioned Yandex So far Yandex indexing pages better than Google Easier settings for customizing things Also tried Bing search console again Looks like it might work better than before Watched Chrissy from Against The Current on Twitch some more chrissyofficial She started playing Lost Ark, which released recently Really wish I could play that MMO Avoiding doing so since I know it would require lots of time

Sunshine

Image
I've been waiting to change my pfp to this eventually. This is another piece titled Sunshine from my favorite artist WLOP . She's sooo pretty. I had considered changing my pfp to my own photo for my birthday yesterday like I've done the last couple years. However, I ended up not doing so. I feel like I should be more careful.

Bullet Journal 2022-02-09 Wednesday

Image
Started off crazy busy today Felt like so many demands all at once Too much responsibility How could I ever handle being a hero? How could I decide between 2 competing needs? Need to decide which takes priority Always hoping for some way to "save" both Learning to think outside the box Learning to prioritize more quickly WindwardAway joined mod team on FoL Good choice Sometimes feel jealous of WWA She's so cool in many ways Happy for her Pondering choices Realize it's usually better to simply go with 1st choice for decisions that don't matter much Like choosing coffee or food or whatever Don't dwell too much Sometimes 2nd guess myself and think I might regret 1st choice Now tell myself oh well that's fine Also realize need to ponder things ahead of time before decision time Need to figure out my general principles so they guide me quickly at critical points Learning to short-circuit analysis paralysis

Bullet Journal 2022-02-08 Tuesday

Image
Looked into Vassal Open-source game engine for building and playing board/card games Lots of modules for real games Found ones for Betrayal at House on the Hill and Gloomhaven Looks easier to use than Tabletop Simulator Looks better for using to host games Easier to export images of board Realized I could possibly use Vassal to implement Forum Battle Royale ! Could be used as tool for hosting and running turns Not sure how much work that would be Having trouble focusing Trying to do little things Trying to eliminate unnecessary things Heard about book called  Four Thousand Weeks Want to read it soon Sounds like something I need

Bullet Journal 2022-02-07 Monday

Image
Starting to get back to more regular schedule Finished Goldenballs game on FoL Leafia and I won together Nice idea by Wazza Perhaps not exciting, but still fun little game Thinking about putting together survey on Misc games for FoL Glad to see people coming up with different ideas Listening to podcasts more often again Reading Children of the Nameless by Brandon Sanderson Wondering if Gloomhaven would work as PBF Would be very complicated to replicate Could be very fun though Would allow for roleplaying Would allow for players to come and go in different scenarios Feeling glad that I stopped playing SINoALICE Wondering how Scruffy is doing Wondering how Constantyne is doing Birthday coming up soon Don't want to think about growing older 🙂 This is Tiger year, so back to my birth animal

Bullet Journal 2022-02-05 Saturday

Image
Feel like I should write something Feeling like it for last few days Busy with Chinese New Year family stuff Kind of crazy Also difficult to deal with Dealing with someone who always wants to tear people down Feel mostly good about how things turned out Wanting to comment about last FoLrus song reveal For Daeron/Kyo's category Submitted mixup of Evanescence and Linkin Park songs People seemed surprised and impressed with my pick Made me feel good 🙂 Looks like Vulgard hasn't been playing Mobile Legends lately Think he might be busy with another game I haven't played much lately either Just logging in for bonuses Watched Chrissy from Against The Current on Twitch couple times She often plays Teamfight Tactics Really, really need to figure out next steps on projects this year Need to reevaluate what I actually want

Bullet Journal 2022-01-29 Saturday

Image
Getting back to basics with bullet journaling Crazy busy, so... Haha, just got interrupted even writing that previous sentence 🙂 BotF game on FoL had host issue, so needs to be reranded Osie contacted me about making static backup for Mafia Colosseum We investigate getting files directly from hosting account Unfortunately threads aren't available Contacted guy on Fiverr again Started reading Children of the Nameless by Brandon Sanderson Part of Magic: The Gathering Already gripped me within 1st couple pages Thinking about dropping Re:ZERO Vol. 2 Chinese New Year coming up next week Hoping everything goes well Proud of myself for keeping up with Duolingo for Chinese learning Ashamed I haven't progressed further in Chinese though

Against The Current

Image
I discovered a new band called Against The Current. One of their songs was recommended on Spotify based on the other songs I like. So far I've been loving a bunch of their songs. The lead singer is kind of cute, too. 🙂 I especially like the song "weapon".

Bullet Journal 2022-01-23 Sunday

Image
Started post Friday on dealing with difficult people Don't think I'll manage to finish it That day I had to separately deal with 2 difficult people and their blow-ups Situations were still somewhat ongoing People I've had issues with before Unfortunately can't do anything to avoid dealing with them Could feel myself getting depressed and feeling so overwhelmed Like it was end of everything good again Stopped myself from going too far down Realized I could work through it Just needed to handle things calmly Things worked out fairly well Learned my cousin has cancer She's gone through other difficulties in her life recently already Feel so bad for her Can't help feeling a bit relieved that I'm not going through that Feel grateful for what I have Feel less worried about my own problems Is it good or bad that other people's problems can make us feel better about our own? What if a scapegoat of sorts is necessary for us to put things into perspective? For us

Bullet Journal 2022-01-20 Thursday

Image
Discovered that Ruby in Mobile Legends was turned into a Fighter/Tank instead of just Fighter May go back to using her since she was fun Apparently she can be good as a roaming tank, like Lolita Continuing to go up in Rank Chatted with Vulgard about post-rock Sent me link to website Post-Pedia Told me about various post-rock bands, including one strangely named 417.3 Apparently he use to enjoy listening to Two Steps From Hell a lot as well Also talked about the RPing survey on FoL Family member diagnosed with possible ovarian tumor Praying for her Woke up a bit late this morning Not sure if I just slept through my alarms??? Thank God it wasn't too late Could have gone horribly wrong and been late to drive my nieces to school Today is especially important for them to be there on time

Bullet Journal 2022-01-19 Wednesday

Image
Good results coming in for my occupation Still have lots to work on Played with some previous Mistborn clan members in Mobile Legends Posted role-playing survey on FoL Based on discussion with Vulgard about RPing Also Ruby expressed interest for my Betrayal game Hesitating awhile on whether to start up the discussion Worried about reaction of others I guess Initial reactions were somewhat disappointing Now reactions are becoming more interesting and enjoyable to see Another great piece from my favorite artist WLOP

Music tastes

Image
So been thinking about music tastes. I've discovered that mine are quite different from most of the others at FoL . They've been doing the FoLrus, which is a sort of music choice competition for various categories and various judges. I think Sulit put my song midway, though not sure. I think she was giving almost all songs higher ratings and having lots of ties, so hard to tell. But for others like Orange and DatBird, I think my songs were in the lower half. I guess that's fine. I wasn't exactly expecting to match with what they'd like. Though I'm surprised by some of the songs that they ranked high. Most of the stuff Orange ranked high just sounded horrible to me. Everything just sounded like stuff old people listen to. 🙂 I mean, I like some oldies here and there. Though mostly for nostalgia. Nothing really I'd listen to over and over again. Today Chloe did hers. I was thinking the Meet Me On The Battlefield song by SVRCINA would be something she'd lik

Bullet Journal 2022-01-17 Monday

Image
Continuing to play Mobile Legends Realized that playing might be helping my mood recently Usually only play 1 or 2 games a day Enough to keep me satisfied and use it as an outlet for energy I guess Chatted with Vulgard about ML Thought about how if I work on Forum Moba, might consult Vulgard for advice Looking at Betrayal at House on the Hill for PBF again Tried out PaintShop Pro that I installed recently Works much better for putting together the room tiles and rotating them Need to finish up instructions Recently started reading Re:ZERO Vol. 2 Somewhat silly, but enjoyable based on remembering anime

Bullet Journal 2022-01-16 Sunday

Image
Feeling more hopeful recently Working on changing my mindset Trying out various methods from the past that I remember helping Feel like I want to ask Arete about Telume They have quote on their FoL profile I think Telume is a RP character of theirs Feel hesitant to just come out and ask though Starting to feel more like playing Forum Mafia again Probably stick with adding myself as backup See what opportunity presents itself Probably should follow a game more closely Still thinking about Misc game to host on FoL Kind of want to finish designing Forum Moba Maybe should go with Betrayal at House on the Hill though Thinking about my purpose more and more Thinking about what truly motivates me Like some of the new styles by one of my favorites artists named Nixeu

Treading water

Image
I feel like I'm treading water. Just doing enough to get by. I thought I was improving recently with some thoughts about stories and how life is all stories and how we interpret them. But I haven't moved forward with that. My day is broken up into so many little segments. I either feel so tired, or I'm busy, or I'm waiting on someone or something and can't focus. Or I just want to rest and recover. I keep thinking that I need to plan out my days more. And that's probably true. But I'm not sure how to make that work. It's more a motivation problem. And lack of energy. How can I shape my story to help myself move forward? While out walking this evening, I did think about something that came up in my meditation sessions recently. She talked about thinking about this being the last day of my life and what I would prioritize. So I actually dwelled on that a bit tonight. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't worry about anything like wanting to travel somewhere o

Bullet Journal 2022-01-12 Wednesday

Image
So much I feel like writing about Made lots of notes on my phone Not sure where to start, so just doing bullet journal first Hope I get around to more Things going fairly well at the moment Problem still is getting energy to move forward on projects Partly problem with still being indecisive on priorities Helping Marshal host word game on FoL Recently watched The Matrix: Resurrections Rated 7/10 Story wasn't all that compelling Some philosophy about choice and other topics was interesting though Started watching Blade Runner 2049 Had a dream where I accidentally copy-pasted a work-related email to Discord I was horrified and panicking Must have been on the Breadbox server As I was trying to remove it quickly, somehow Chloe knew it was something revealing and helped me delete it So relieved and thankful to her for that I think this ties into recent thoughts about feeling accepted by the group “He saw it in her eyes. The anguish, the frustration. The terrible nothing that clawed insi