Lost Whyspers

First post of the year Mind is such a clutter Still trying to figure out the best way to sort through everything Keep needing to force myself to take things a piece at a time Finished watching Rings of Power a few days ago Last episode of the season felt rushed Overall I still enjoyed the series Probably will watch season 2 when that comes out Guitar learning has improved after switching to new tutorial videos Started playing Guild Wars 2 Huge install Just trying it out since I heard positive things about this MMO Not sure that I'll continue Find myself getting bored easily with games now Maybe not bored exactly, but just questioning whether they are worth playing Still avoiding a number of social interactions Though did successfully navigate a difficult conversation yesterday

We (Town) won the invitational game on FoL! 🙂 Pathologic Invitational - TOWN VICTORY!! - Forum Games / Completed - Fortress of Lies Really need to update my FM game list Working through slight depression Working through long-term ways to handle life Need to reply to people Heard about new TV series called Wednesday Based on Addams Family Backing up couple games on FoL Not sure how ready I am to start game again Want to play, but also not wanting to move too quickly into it Big issue blowing up now 😟

Trying to be positive and thankful Almost finished reading Yes to Life: In Spite of Everything by Viktor Frankl Still learning guitar Feels like slow progress Getting better at the 3 chords I'm working on Fingers don't hurt as much Still hard to switch between them Trying to get through little tasks Finished up some tasks that were tugging at me Want to chat more with people Though also afraid for some reason Feel afraid of starting things up? Feel afraid that I can't consistently reply? Why should this matter so much? Again, I think mostly I'm just afraid of having too much to think about Yet I need a release When things are going smoothly, I'm afraid to make waves Yet that is probably when I should be taking more chances I need to make myself more comfortable with confrontation And with choices and making decisions

Felt so tired this morning Starting to wake up Had to take it slowly Continuing to learn guitar Feels like progressing slowly Going to keep at it though Starting to turn things around Feeling better about the day Want to get around to some deep thinking Still loving AI art Want to take some time to read about it Saw video about using a tool to create self-portraits

Mix of good and bad news today Things are manageable overall Doing well in some games on BGA Got into Elite league for Martian Dice Managed to get into Gold league for Can't Stop Getting stuff done Yet still so much on my list Need to get back to more planning Still studying Chinese most days Meditating more recently Both love and hate that people depend on me Want to be needed Want to help out Yet also get frustrated sometimes when taken for granted Recently liking song called Silent Scream Anna Blue- Silent Scream (Official Music Video) - YouTube

Why do some people make things more difficult than they need to be??? Can I find some uninterrupted time to finish up a task? EDIT: I finished this up and it was much easier than expected 🙂 Getting somewhat better at playing a couple chords correctly on guitar Still difficult to switch quickly between them Find myself wanting to slip into despair Keeping my spirits up as best as I can Keeping in mind my quest Brainstorming ideas for RPG motivation app or website Something I've been thinking about for a long time I have thoughts of what would help me Wish it were easier to get thoughts into the real world I feel like there is still something in my mind that needs to get out Oh, I think a new Mistborn book was released Man, I need to update my FM game list Doing better at updating the FoL game list than my own 🙂

Made a couple mistakes Recovered somewhat sloppily Glad to be through that though Got through some routines this morning Good to get them done early when possible Routines really do help me Preparation really helps me avoid issues Want to do more Want to put my effort into meaningful things, even if small things Still hesitating on playing mobile or PC games Not sure why? Maybe just don't want the trouble? I do want to play something sometimes

Halloween was enjoyable last night Glad my nieces got to experience it while still young enough Keep trying to remind myself not to dwell too much on difficulties Don't make things bigger than they are Also keep reminding myself of all the struggles I've overcome I'm so thankful for that Also so many things could have been much worse and yet weren't Think I'm kind of tired Probably should be getting more sleep Lately I've been staying up longer than I should Why do I get stuck so much? Even for little things that I know aren't so bad? I can sense it is mainly that I'm worried about all the possibilities All the possible problems that might stem from the one step I just feel so tired and don't want to have to deal with more Even thinking about more issues I don't want to deal with that sometimes Even when they are all little things when it comes down to it I really do need to exercise my ability to make decisions I think the above image was create...

Listening to philosophy podcasts Philosophize This! #126 - Gilles Deleuze pt. 2 - Immanence Existential Stoic Podcast - "The Republic" by Plato Existential Stoic Podcast - Reevaluating Suffering & Stress Jordan B. Peterson Podcast 291 - How to Combat Hedonism | Dr. Peter Kreeft Sunday Stoic 292: Memorize the Stoics with Dr. Kevin Vost Still struggling with balancing hope and despair Considering playing game like RimWorld or Stellaris Seem popular among FoL members Started playing tennis again Oh yeah, it's Halloween today 🙂 Made me recall times in Mobile Legends Miss those times somewhat, yet know I shouldn't return to that Couple more games starting up on FoL Chair of Deception game unfortunately canned since not enough players Not sure if I should join one or both of these new games EDIT: Adding note after listening to Jordan Peterson podcast mentioned above Dr. Kreeft says something about how our free will is all interconnected Good choice you make now will ...

Completed a few tasks I'd been delaying Day going well so far Chatted with Silviu a bit He was talking about his goal in learning multiple languages For working towards future goal in becoming a translator Replied to Jane's recommendation to watch anime called Bocchi the Rock If I had seen mention of it before and the general theme, I probably wouldn't have taken a 2nd look About girls in a rock band However, since Jane highly recommended it, I read a little more and see it is about social anxiety Others highly recommend it as well So placed it on my watch list

Moving forward Prepared some things for future progress Brainstorming further ideas Time passing so quickly Need to stay focused and not go off on too many tangents at once Watched episode 6 of Rings of Power Enjoying this series I've read people criticize how it departs from Tolkien's actual lore Still enjoying it and not thinking too much about that Need to figure out audiobooks to listen to Even re-listening to some would be good Listening to Making Sense podcast Making Sense #291: Where is Happiness? Buddhism term "metta" translates to "loving kindness" Buddhism term "mudita" translates to "sympathetic joy"

Regretted getting up this morning Wasn't looking forward to a couple tasks for the day However they ended up going more smoothly than expected Yesterday evening had some troublesome happenings Trying to take them in stride though Everything is for a purpose I will look towards my quest Considering offering to backup game on 17th Shard LG 90 game didn't list any pinch-hitters Looks like a large player list with many new people Could see that there might be need for backup Game on FoL filling slowly Started listening again to song Rise Up by Beyonce Beyonce - Rise Up (Epic Movie Clip HD) - YouTube Use to love listening to this 🙂 Inspires me to strive to inspire others, especially children Movie Epic was really good too Constant struggle not simply letting myself slide into despair Sometimes just so tired of fighting But isn't the struggle what makes us feel life? I can understand that conceptually, but still want to give up sometimes I see more and more that habits and ri...

Yesterday was fairly successful Completed one planned task in good timing Completed another task I had hoped to do and did successfully Also accomplished something on my own that I use to dread having to ask others to do Happy that I can handle it by myself in the future Today was so-so Couple times I almost worried myself too far, but got over it Feel tired this evening Dread talking with family about things Feel like I just get negative feedback Overcame a near fall into depression Reminded myself that I'm on a mission Want to solidify my thoughts on this Watched 1st episode of anime called Lycoris Recoil Seems like an interesting show Like Chisato's desire to just help people with her talent

Reading Hero on a Mission yesterday Started to feel more inspired again Wrote some things down for me to do Need to write out a life plan of some sort Not sure if I'll follow exactly what the book suggests So tired this morning Thought I've been sleeping okay Apparently I need more rest Sudden thought came to me that I need more decorative items around me Things to remind me of my path Perhaps things related to knights Would be so cool to have a Saber figurine I tend to shirk off these things, but perhaps they are important I used to have things around me when I was a teenager Resolved some problems

Osie made a goodbye post on FoL that has me somewhat rattled Feel like making a reply Not sure how much I want to get involved Not sure exactly how I feel about Osie Not sure exactly how I feel about the situation Wondering whether to send a message to Chloe Finished a few tasks Saturday Hoping this upcoming family trip goes well Feeling somewhat heavy tonight Like I'm in the middle of endings and beginnings Thinking about joining a FM game soon Earlier thinking about Sassy from my Mistborn clan Miss her Hope she and the baby are doing well

Oh, I'm improving at fencing! 🙂 Going to continue practicing motions on my own when possible Thinking about making a tube thing for practicing my grip Doing good at some small routines Feeling more hopeful in general Still wary Reached gold in the BGA arena for Martian Dice Enjoying artwork by Dylan Kowalski Love the realism Been taking note of his work a while now Glad he's been continuing his work

Not sure that I have much to say, but want to keep up the writing habit Trying to start practicing fencing a bit on my own Thought about looking for videos on YouTube Think I just need more familiarity with movements to be more comfortable Got done with some errands I'd been putting off Still more to do Still struggling with depression once in a while Again, think I need to establish more routines Also need to take on more challenges and be open to difficulties Need more reading! Why do I keep putting this aside? Still feeling urge to play something Yet still feel hesitant to start anything Kind of worried about getting interrupted all the time

Life is starting to go a bit more smoothly Getting use to living in this new place Good news recently for my finances Still considering whether ready to join Forum Mafia game Not sure I can have the focus yet Haven't checked Discord for a few days again Not sure why I keep avoiding it I suppose just to limit inputs Feel like I still need to sort through my life Feel positive about this though

Starting to get some breathing space after moving back to US Trip itself went well and without any major issues Extremely busy since getting here Going to still be busy in months ahead Trying to sort out everything and take things step by step Preparing to open Discord for first time in awhile Kind of worried about that for some reason Yet also look forward to getting back into my social circles Joined EIMM misc game on FoL Originally just planned to be backup for in case they needed it They immediately let me take over Geyde's slot since he had to drop out Game hasn't actually started yet Not exactly sure I understand how this is going to work, but should be less effort than regular FM game Interesting to read about Nancy Pelosi visiting Taiwan now Need to get back into reading Also need to start listening to music again

There is a limit to the time assigned to you, and if you don't use it to free yourself it will be gone and never return. — Marcus Aurelius Project PP complete Results came sooner than expected Everything worked out great Some precautions ended up being unnecessary Definitely better than the other way around Lots of little issues popping up Lots of interruptions also Keeping myself from going crazy with all the inputs Should be fine Reminded of the above prayer from Marcus Aurelius Time is limited Need to make the best of things for what matters