Lost Whyspers

Keep avoiding writing for some reason Making myself just jot down a quick list so this doesn't continue Want to write more fully soon Still avoiding Discord and most social interaction Why do I keep avoiding people instead of reaching out? I know I need to talk more I know I don't need to expect people to solve my problems I know I should focus on other people to take away my self-centered focus on my own problems I think part of the issue is that I don't want to disappoint others I don't want to feel responsible Excited about Brandon Sanderson's Secret Project #2 Listening to audiobook for Murderbot book 1 Not really feeling like playing much Watched Andor TV series recently and enjoyed it

Replied to Sassy Messaged me on my birthday last month Sounds like she is going through struggles Feel bad that I didn't see the message sooner and reply Sounds like she wants to talk about her struggles Not sure I'm someone who can really help since I don't handle my own struggles very well However I do certainly understand the need to talk about things with people I don't do that very well myself though Replied to Shade Really has been too long since I said anything He was kind to message me I do see that he's been streaming on Twitch most nights Someday maybe I'll drop in and watch while he's live Worked on getting done with a number of little tasks Feels good Reading less than usual Think I need to get into a novel again Playing Marvel Snap and Othercide lately Still don't think I'm ready to play Forum Mafia again

Longer I stop writing, the harder it is to get back into it Thought about writing something in long form, but going to stick with this bullet journal for the time being Reading Things That Matter lately Really loved reading Tress of the Emerald Sea recently Written by Brandon Sanderson and part of the Cosmere Started playing Marvel SNAP Cool to play in short bursts Also started playing Othercide Cool theme and atmosphere Finished with Project CT recently

Going way too long without writing Wanted to write out something long about recent thoughts Settled on doing a bullet list for now Still need to get around to reading comments on my blog Still need to get around to logging into Discord again Still need to get around to communicating with friends Still need to write Still have so much I want to read Currently reading  Tress of the Emerald Sea  by Brandon Sanderson Also started reading  Things That Matter: Overcoming Distraction to Pursue a More Meaningful Life  by Joshua Becker Watching some Classroom of the Elite  anime recently So many thoughts in my head

Awww man, just got news that something I thought I was done with 3 years ago is coming back to trouble me again Now more troublesome due to being in the US Oh well, I guess I just have to deal with it Ups and downs as usual Haven't felt like coming here to write Yet so many things I wish I had written about I took some notes of things Continuing to read Cytonic Listened to dramatized audiobook of Emperor's Soul , which I previously read Felt as amazing as it was reading it the first time Feel like I'll probably listen to it again in the future Started listening to dramatized audiobook of White Sand Another one by Brandon Sanderson Originally just a graphic novel (comic book) Don't enjoy reading those Thrilled to find out there was an audiobook instead

Knew I hadn't written for a while, but didn't realize 2 weeks Busy thinking about other things I guess Life going okay overall though Preparing to talk to counselor online Nervous about this Still need to reply to people! Completed another Forum Mafia game on FoL Subbed into it Want to write more about it in separate post Reading Cytonic by Brandon Sanderson Book 3 of the Skyward series

Guess I went through this week without writing Busy earlier this week with Forum Mafia game Later just busy I guess Also rather tired Is there no true rest? Reading ReDawn Trying to choose next non-fiction book Need time to think through stuff Wanting to watch something but don't feel like I'll enjoy watching right now Wanting to play but don't feel like I'll enjoy Depression again? Something else? Something pulling me elsewhere? EDIT: Been coming up with ideas for my project

Tired, although I slept longer Maybe depression? Probably depression from family issues Trying to focus on being thankful for what I have Started reading ReDawn by Brandon Sanderson Novella in the Skyward series Recalled today that I may have forgotten to reply to Jun Need to check my Discord again soon Not really feeling like looking there Don't think I can handle more Why do I make things so difficult? What's wrong with me? Sometimes wish I could just be a spirit that helps people in the background Watch people from a distance Help them out at times when hope is lost Be close yet far at the same time Be involved in their lives and helping, yet keep myself apart

I finished reading Yes to Life: In Spite of Everything by Viktor Frankl. It really spoke to me as it has to many others. I wanted to quickly quote a paragraph from the end of the book that particularly addressed something that I've been thinking a lot about lately. It is terrible to know that at every moment I bear responsibility for the next; that every decision, from the smallest to the largest, is a decision “for all eternity”; that in every moment I can actualize the possibility of a moment, of that particular moment, or forfeit it. Every single moment contains thousands of possibilities—and I can only choose one of them to actualize it. But in making the choice, I have condemned all the others and sentenced them to “never being,” and even this is for all eternity! But it is wonderful to know that the future—my own future and with it the future of the things, the people around me—is somehow, albeit to a very small extent, dependent on my decisions in every moment. Everything I...

Trying to be positive and thankful Almost finished reading Yes to Life: In Spite of Everything by Viktor Frankl Still learning guitar Feels like slow progress Getting better at the 3 chords I'm working on Fingers don't hurt as much Still hard to switch between them Trying to get through little tasks Finished up some tasks that were tugging at me Want to chat more with people Though also afraid for some reason Feel afraid of starting things up? Feel afraid that I can't consistently reply? Why should this matter so much? Again, I think mostly I'm just afraid of having too much to think about Yet I need a release When things are going smoothly, I'm afraid to make waves Yet that is probably when I should be taking more chances I need to make myself more comfortable with confrontation And with choices and making decisions

Finished reading Hero on a Mission by Donald Miller Rated 4/5 Felt inspirational and I considered rating this higher Still need to go through the worksheets for this, which will be the real test Special family event tonight Going to be busy weekend for Thanksgiving

Day going by so quickly Almost forgot to write here Frustration and hope mixed together a lot lately Reading a little Need more time to read I'm thankful for life Can't believe the year is almost over as well Should I plan out next year? Want more time for HOAM Wrote a little on Friday

Remember, the key to accomplishing something big is to stay focused on what you're trying to bring into the world and putting a little something on the plot every day. ― Donald Miller How in the world do some people write so much so quickly? Wish I was a better writer I know part of it is simply practice Just doing it as a routine and gradually getting better I'll keep up with this journaling at least Keep viewing AI art Amazed still by what I see Want to get into using it Not exactly sure what I need to do I have some ideas of how to use AI art for my potential projects Reading! Can I get to it today? Found myself aggravated yesterday by someone's ridiculous request Not sure whether to just give in and do it to smooth things over Or whether to push back so this doesn't continue in the future Still disappointed in myself for letting it get to me more than it should I should be more calm about these things Keep finding myself wasting time Still trying to figure out best ...

Why do I let myself get aggravated easily in discussions or arguments? I do feel the need to correct people on mistakes Yet sometimes that doesn't really matter Especially if they aren't really receptive Often people have another point to continuing the discussion and don't really care about being correct I try to not let myself get clouded by the need to set things right I try to tell myself to look at the end goal of a conversation To also look at the end goal of a relationship with someone Will continuing to correct them help? If not, then just let it go Feeling so busy and slightly overwhelmed Though not too stressed Just lots to do and I'm trying to keep moving forward Slightly anxious about issues coming up, but doing okay This is probably a good state to be in overall Need to get more reading in Still meditating Believe this is helping Still putting in time to study Still taking time to exercise

Feeling pretty good this morning Something could suddenly turn that all around For now, though, things are fine 🙂 Finished reading Sunreach Rated 4/5 stars Interesting to read from another character's point of view in this series Though want to quickly return to Spensa's story Sorting through my plans for the week Want to make some significant steps for my quest Signed up for the next FoL Chair of Deception game Looks like it might take a while to fill

Reading Hero on a Mission yesterday Started to feel more inspired again Wrote some things down for me to do Need to write out a life plan of some sort Not sure if I'll follow exactly what the book suggests So tired this morning Thought I've been sleeping okay Apparently I need more rest Sudden thought came to me that I need more decorative items around me Things to remind me of my path Perhaps things related to knights Would be so cool to have a Saber figurine I tend to shirk off these things, but perhaps they are important I used to have things around me when I was a teenager Resolved some problems

Not sure that I have much to say, but want to keep up the writing habit Trying to start practicing fencing a bit on my own Thought about looking for videos on YouTube Think I just need more familiarity with movements to be more comfortable Got done with some errands I'd been putting off Still more to do Still struggling with depression once in a while Again, think I need to establish more routines Also need to take on more challenges and be open to difficulties Need more reading! Why do I keep putting this aside? Still feeling urge to play something Yet still feel hesitant to start anything Kind of worried about getting interrupted all the time

Need to get more serious about routines I think I thrive on them Still find it hard not to allow myself to get distracted and skip routines How can I keep to them better? Vulgard's birthday today Wazza's birthday yesterday Hero on a Mission book is excellent Need to keep reading it Maybe finish this week Going to look into the life plan worksheets Helping me to fight the victim mentality Keep wanting to play Forum Mafia again Just don't think I can handle it right now Wondering if I should throw myself into a game anyway Still trying to figure out how to organize all these thoughts in my mind Mindmaps help sometimes Lists help sometimes How can I make things more into missions? J continuing to annoy everyone around them

So tired and worn out Still not finding enough time for regular routines Hoping things will change soon Realize everything is still new here Need to at least do things like read Thinking about E Still can't believe she's gone Always thought I'd see her again someday

Feeling very sad and depressed over losing someone in my family Very unexpected Not sure how to process this Other events going so-so No critical items Still hard to focus with so many little things yet Started reading Hero on a Mission Excellent so far Talks a lot about Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl Want time to focus and think about this book Seems like a good practical guide for what I've been seeking