Lost Whyspers

Going way too long without writing Wanted to write out something long about recent thoughts Settled on doing a bullet list for now Still need to get around to reading comments on my blog Still need to get around to logging into Discord again Still need to get around to communicating with friends Still need to write Still have so much I want to read Currently reading  Tress of the Emerald Sea  by Brandon Sanderson Also started reading  Things That Matter: Overcoming Distraction to Pursue a More Meaningful Life  by Joshua Becker Watching some Classroom of the Elite  anime recently So many thoughts in my head

Awww man, just got news that something I thought I was done with 3 years ago is coming back to trouble me again Now more troublesome due to being in the US Oh well, I guess I just have to deal with it Ups and downs as usual Haven't felt like coming here to write Yet so many things I wish I had written about I took some notes of things Continuing to read Cytonic Listened to dramatized audiobook of Emperor's Soul , which I previously read Felt as amazing as it was reading it the first time Feel like I'll probably listen to it again in the future Started listening to dramatized audiobook of White Sand Another one by Brandon Sanderson Originally just a graphic novel (comic book) Don't enjoy reading those Thrilled to find out there was an audiobook instead

Knew I hadn't written for a while, but didn't realize 2 weeks Busy thinking about other things I guess Life going okay overall though Preparing to talk to counselor online Nervous about this Still need to reply to people! Completed another Forum Mafia game on FoL Subbed into it Want to write more about it in separate post Reading Cytonic by Brandon Sanderson Book 3 of the Skyward series

Guess I went through this week without writing Busy earlier this week with Forum Mafia game Later just busy I guess Also rather tired Is there no true rest? Reading ReDawn Trying to choose next non-fiction book Need time to think through stuff Wanting to watch something but don't feel like I'll enjoy watching right now Wanting to play but don't feel like I'll enjoy Depression again? Something else? Something pulling me elsewhere? EDIT: Been coming up with ideas for my project

Tired, although I slept longer Maybe depression? Probably depression from family issues Trying to focus on being thankful for what I have Started reading ReDawn by Brandon Sanderson Novella in the Skyward series Recalled today that I may have forgotten to reply to Jun Need to check my Discord again soon Not really feeling like looking there Don't think I can handle more Why do I make things so difficult? What's wrong with me? Sometimes wish I could just be a spirit that helps people in the background Watch people from a distance Help them out at times when hope is lost Be close yet far at the same time Be involved in their lives and helping, yet keep myself apart

I finished reading Yes to Life: In Spite of Everything by Viktor Frankl. It really spoke to me as it has to many others. I wanted to quickly quote a paragraph from the end of the book that particularly addressed something that I've been thinking a lot about lately. It is terrible to know that at every moment I bear responsibility for the next; that every decision, from the smallest to the largest, is a decision “for all eternity”; that in every moment I can actualize the possibility of a moment, of that particular moment, or forfeit it. Every single moment contains thousands of possibilities—and I can only choose one of them to actualize it. But in making the choice, I have condemned all the others and sentenced them to “never being,” and even this is for all eternity! But it is wonderful to know that the future—my own future and with it the future of the things, the people around me—is somehow, albeit to a very small extent, dependent on my decisions in every moment. Everything I...

Trying to be positive and thankful Almost finished reading Yes to Life: In Spite of Everything by Viktor Frankl Still learning guitar Feels like slow progress Getting better at the 3 chords I'm working on Fingers don't hurt as much Still hard to switch between them Trying to get through little tasks Finished up some tasks that were tugging at me Want to chat more with people Though also afraid for some reason Feel afraid of starting things up? Feel afraid that I can't consistently reply? Why should this matter so much? Again, I think mostly I'm just afraid of having too much to think about Yet I need a release When things are going smoothly, I'm afraid to make waves Yet that is probably when I should be taking more chances I need to make myself more comfortable with confrontation And with choices and making decisions

Finished reading Hero on a Mission by Donald Miller Rated 4/5 Felt inspirational and I considered rating this higher Still need to go through the worksheets for this, which will be the real test Special family event tonight Going to be busy weekend for Thanksgiving

Moving forward Prepared some things for future progress Brainstorming further ideas Time passing so quickly Need to stay focused and not go off on too many tangents at once Watched episode 6 of Rings of Power Enjoying this series I've read people criticize how it departs from Tolkien's actual lore Still enjoying it and not thinking too much about that Need to figure out audiobooks to listen to Even re-listening to some would be good Listening to Making Sense podcast Making Sense #291: Where is Happiness? Buddhism term "metta" translates to "loving kindness" Buddhism term "mudita" translates to "sympathetic joy"

Regretted getting up this morning Wasn't looking forward to a couple tasks for the day However they ended up going more smoothly than expected Yesterday evening had some troublesome happenings Trying to take them in stride though Everything is for a purpose I will look towards my quest Considering offering to backup game on 17th Shard LG 90 game didn't list any pinch-hitters Looks like a large player list with many new people Could see that there might be need for backup Game on FoL filling slowly Started listening again to song Rise Up by Beyonce Beyonce - Rise Up (Epic Movie Clip HD) - YouTube Use to love listening to this 🙂 Inspires me to strive to inspire others, especially children Movie Epic was really good too Constant struggle not simply letting myself slide into despair Sometimes just so tired of fighting But isn't the struggle what makes us feel life? I can understand that conceptually, but still want to give up sometimes I see more and more that habits and ri...

Feeling pretty good this morning Something could suddenly turn that all around For now, though, things are fine 🙂 Finished reading Sunreach Rated 4/5 stars Interesting to read from another character's point of view in this series Though want to quickly return to Spensa's story Sorting through my plans for the week Want to make some significant steps for my quest Signed up for the next FoL Chair of Deception game Looks like it might take a while to fill

Reading Hero on a Mission yesterday Started to feel more inspired again Wrote some things down for me to do Need to write out a life plan of some sort Not sure if I'll follow exactly what the book suggests So tired this morning Thought I've been sleeping okay Apparently I need more rest Sudden thought came to me that I need more decorative items around me Things to remind me of my path Perhaps things related to knights Would be so cool to have a Saber figurine I tend to shirk off these things, but perhaps they are important I used to have things around me when I was a teenager Resolved some problems

Need to get more serious about routines I think I thrive on them Still find it hard not to allow myself to get distracted and skip routines How can I keep to them better? Vulgard's birthday today Wazza's birthday yesterday Hero on a Mission book is excellent Need to keep reading it Maybe finish this week Going to look into the life plan worksheets Helping me to fight the victim mentality Keep wanting to play Forum Mafia again Just don't think I can handle it right now Wondering if I should throw myself into a game anyway Still trying to figure out how to organize all these thoughts in my mind Mindmaps help sometimes Lists help sometimes How can I make things more into missions? J continuing to annoy everyone around them

Feeling very sad and depressed over losing someone in my family Very unexpected Not sure how to process this Other events going so-so No critical items Still hard to focus with so many little things yet Started reading Hero on a Mission Excellent so far Talks a lot about Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl Want time to focus and think about this book Seems like a good practical guide for what I've been seeking

Things have slowed down some Now don't feel so rushed with urgent things More time to think Kind of uncertain on exactly how to proceed Helping Marluna host their Elements game on FoL No co-host really needed Helping with co-host requirement just in case Going to try to get back into reading again Considering reading Hero on a Mission: The Power of Finding Your Role in Life Want to also finish Sunreach Feel like playing something, but not sure what Started listening to podcasts again Loving my new car 🙂 Love the Android Auto integration

Getting pushed to my breaking point Working on holding out Almost to the finish line for this stage Then new stage begins Haven't checked Discord for many days now Can't take any more inputs Though wish I could talk with someone Reading Sunreach by Brandon Sanderson Not quite as riveting as the full novels, but still enjoyable

Felt I was in the underworld for about a week or so Finally fighting my way out of there Still haven't found the will to get back to all socializing Find myself still wanting to limit my inputs Reading  Yes to Life: In Spite of Everything by Viktor E. Frankl Author of Man's Search for Meaning , which was a great book He's the psychiatrist who was a prisoner in the Nazi concentration camps Still playing Diablo Immortal, though not as much time to do so Considering buying and playing Diablo 3 Can play as wizard in there, too 🙂

Think my account may have been banned on Lost Ark Now says it can't authenticate from my current location Shows dialog with Appeal button that goes to web page talking about appealing bans May be able to appeal ban after moving to US Though not sure if I'd want to bother Wonder what they'd do about character if person does move to new country with different server locations Might be for the best since I was becoming uninterested in playing Glad I didn't continue to spend much money on it Finished reading Starsight yesterday Truly awesome series! So much I want to talk about with this series Reading Defending Elysium next, which is a prequel to the series Understanding others Recurring theme in my life Something I strive towards

Up and down again might be the best way to summarize recent days Still, I don't want to complain because I know things could be much worse Continuing to read Starsight Loving where things have turned since the 1st book Amazed as always by Brandon Sanderson Trying to keep up with chats Know that I still need people Glad people can put up with me 🙂 Still feel somewhat lost Not sure of what's best to focus on Just doing little things here and there that I know will help no matter what Restarted project VA Feel more hopeful Looking for opportunities to really focus on it

Busy days filled with work and errands and organizing Didn't realize almost full week since last blogged Finished reading Skyward by Brandon Sanderson Rated 5 stars Man, Brandon Sanderson is such a great writer. Even his sci-fi is superb. I wasn't sure whether I'd like this as much as his other works, but I was captivated. This did feel a bit lighter because I think this was geared towards a young adult audience. But in some ways I liked that. And it still feels like it has such a backstory coming up. I can't wait to find out more! Continuing with Starsight next Logging into Lost Ark daily, but not really playing much Still not socializing