Foolish hero

Sometimes I wonder if my ideas are utter foolishness or if there is truly a heroism in them. Like right now, I want to bring people together. I want to find ways to create and promote communities. Yet I also know I don't have the talent to do this alone. I'm not good at maintaining such things. I can only support and hope that things continue to grow on their own.

I've been pondering whether to do more about FoL. Should I bother with trying to improve it? Is it really my place to do so anyway? I'm somewhat an outsider still. So why do I care so much?

I'm still wondering about talking with Chloe or Arete to get their views on how things are going. And then I've considered starting discussions on the forum, possibly even the weekly discussions about topics. Should I bother?

And there are still Miach and Shade. I've abandoned them for too long. How do I return? What will it be like? I'm pretty sure they would welcome me back wholeheartedly. And I can probably start watching Shade's streams on Twitch.

I think I hold back from things because I don't want to offer hope where I don't know that I can maintain my part in keeping things together. I hate to disappoint people. I hate to fail on my promises.

However, I know that things are never certain. And I know I should still take action and strive for the best. And that things do change and that I'm a different person each time. So who knows, maybe things will work better this time?

Yesterday I followed an impulse and acquired a treasure. She is beautiful. I will enjoy looking at her in the days to come. I realized I needed something like this to make me smile.

I'm working hard on maintaining action. On moving forward. On not giving in to despair.