Lost Whyspers

I've been pondering a lot about what I live for. What gives meaning to my life? That seems like an important question to answer. Yet sometimes it feels like a trick question that will absorb all your time trying to figure out. That maybe it is best to just do what you can with little things in daily life and little wins here and there and not worry about that big question. Sometimes I think I have an answer and it motivates me for a time. Maybe not always the full answer, but I get a feeling like I'm on the verge of knowing the answer and if I just pursue it down a certain path, it will become more and more clear. But then things overtake me and I soon forget where I'm going. Is it getting any better the longer I live? I have this hope and faith that it is. So even though I've failed so many times in the past, I have become more experience and wise hopefully that when I get on the path again, I'm be better prepared to follow through. And that will my experience and ...

Trying to be positive and thankful Almost finished reading Yes to Life: In Spite of Everything by Viktor Frankl Still learning guitar Feels like slow progress Getting better at the 3 chords I'm working on Fingers don't hurt as much Still hard to switch between them Trying to get through little tasks Finished up some tasks that were tugging at me Want to chat more with people Though also afraid for some reason Feel afraid of starting things up? Feel afraid that I can't consistently reply? Why should this matter so much? Again, I think mostly I'm just afraid of having too much to think about Yet I need a release When things are going smoothly, I'm afraid to make waves Yet that is probably when I should be taking more chances I need to make myself more comfortable with confrontation And with choices and making decisions

I wish so much that I could write more freely. That I would be held back so much from writing what's on my mind. I've been considering what impedes me. I'm pretty sure a part is simply that I don't feel confident. I don't know whether my words will be considered seriously. Or they may be misinterpreted. Or that I will look silly for the ideas I present. Another aspect is somewhat related but a slightly different focus. I feel so strongly that I can't get into words all my true thoughts. And this annoys me. I have an idea in my mind and think that there's no way I can get it completely into words. No matter how hard I might try. So then it feels almost a disservice to even try. That I'm making an inferior version of the idea by putting it into words. I know this is all silly. People realize that words don't necessarily convey everything but that a person still needs to try. And I also realize that this improves over time with practice. The more I writ...

Continuing to play Mobile Legends Realized that playing might be helping my mood recently Usually only play 1 or 2 games a day Enough to keep me satisfied and use it as an outlet for energy I guess Chatted with Vulgard about ML Thought about how if I work on Forum Moba, might consult Vulgard for advice Looking at Betrayal at House on the Hill for PBF again Tried out PaintShop Pro that I installed recently Works much better for putting together the room tiles and rotating them Need to finish up instructions Recently started reading Re:ZERO Vol. 2 Somewhat silly, but enjoyable based on remembering anime

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ SPOILER ALERT! This contains spoilers for  Elantris  by Brandon Sanderson. I finished reading Elantris. It was an amazing read like Sanderson's other stories. I loved all the main characters. I do hope Sanderson gets around to continuing this series. I particularly liked some of the ideas the story focused on, like hope. Raoden was a source of hope for those around him. It was infectious. And even when everything seemed in despair towards the end, Galladon couldn't help but retain that hope even if he wished it would go away. There was again the idea of not knowing someone and assuming things that turn out to be false or even completely the opposite. This has made me consider my own assumptions about people and situations. I want to cultivate this source of wisdom. While it's true that my assumptions may turn out to be correct, and possibly in all likelihood, I think it is still wise to take the time to question those assumptions. So even when I am correct about the...

Today I decided to subscribe to Todoist again. I last used it a few years ago. I think I need to get back to a more structured way of handling all my tasks. I find that I've gone back and forth on this over the years. I assume it's because I find the structure unbearable after a time, or that I decide there must be a better way to handle things. So I want to try something different, usually less structured, and then go downhill from there. Until it gets to this point where I find everything too hectic and then seek structure once more. I hope that I've learned something along the way and can make it work better this time. I feel like I can. I already had some ideas of what to keep from before and what to change. I'm not sure if the fact that this is a new year made me do this. I wasn't thinking about New Year's resolutions and the like. But it's possible that subconsciously this was part of it. One aspect that I'm undecided on is how to handle habits. Pa...

I've been neglecting to post here. My thoughts are in a tempest lately. Lots of unknowns in my life and I'm trying to find my way through it all. However, I have been writing in a Pure Writer app I found. I'm experimenting with writing there and seeing whether my thoughts flow better that way. I sometimes have more time here and there to write something on my phone than to type up a blog entry on my laptop. I've tried writing blog entries from my phone, but it didn't work out so well. So I'm going to try writing in the app and then later taking parts of that to post as blog entries.

Finally reached gold league for King of Tokyo on BGA Thought I'd be stuck at silver forever Kept losing any points I gained Finally had a winning streak Almost done with Rhythm of War 94% done Amazing! Wow, found a much quicker method to do a task Feel stupid for wasting time earlier But feel clever for trying something out Now things can move along more easily May be able to complete it this weekend

Finally finished reorganizing certain group of files Smaug's Lair game finished on POG 2+2 Still need to visit and comment Tempted to join Mad17 game on FoL Illwei and Vulgard joined Trying to stick to break from FM Still waiting to hear back on mirror copy of FoL Am I in better control now? Maybe Feel like I've opened a gap that needs filled soon Need to maintain good habits that have been working Need to look at steps for moving forward in developing new habits Need to maintain momentum

About halfway done with Rhythm of War Excellent series that continually impresses me Reading helps me feel more alive Going to experiment with tracking Forum Mafia info in OneNote Probably use section for each game Also sections for general info on wolf and town tells Maybe section for info on players? I think OneNote allows tagging, which should be useful for cross referencing I've heard searching in OneNote is fairly good Idea based on discussions with Askthepizzaguy Also from reading his article on his SkyNet Listening to podcasts on Stoicism

Things went pretty well yesterday Feels good listening to podcasts Gives me ideas to ponder Let's me make connections to previous ideas Current Bookworm podcast mentioned "Curse of Knowledge" Bookworm 124: Liminal Thinking by Dave Gray Curse of Knowledge refers to how your existing knowledge affects your current thinking Sometimes you need to go back to the point of view of a beginner Thought crossed my mind about how someone might put themselves in a simulation with no memory of their real life They could then experience and learn from a new perspective Could I have done that? I think I would Thinking a lot about whether to continue with SINoALICE Basically staying for the Senate guild, but is that enough? Do I really want to continue down this path? Thought crossed my mind that keeping this as a placeholder stops me from filling the spot with something else, like another game So maybe that's a good thing for now? I'm going to keep it there until I have a clearer...

Been feeling lonely again Continuing to use Fabulous So far it's slowly building up morning routine habit Started with drinking water in the morning Added eating good breakfast like eggs These are suppose to help with having energy throughout the day Trying out beta for game called Cyber Era Kind of cool style so far Mix of different game types Alice making Thanatology (Death City) game She mentioned using that RPG Maker software Looks pretty cool so far Based on DR and VLR Cool that she's following through with her dream to make a game Found out that digital art gets sold online WLOP put up a few pieces for auction Think I should research cryptocurrencies more Water rationing ended in Taiwan Found out that SINcerity is disbanding Still need to recruit a few members Apparently an officer is leaving Want to give time for people to find another guild before next Grand Colosseum

Oh, an idea just popped into my head while working on chores. I was thinking about how RPGs played as a group could be used for IRL therapy and self-improvement. The group of players and the DM work together to help each other deal with IRL issues through the story. Or to work on self-improvement goals. Any IRL events would be shaped to be part of the storyline. Each player could update the DM on things happening in their life, and the DM can try to incorporate these into the storyline. The RPG could be played in sessions with a certain overarching goal to help a particular person with a major issue. But then any other IRL events could add to the story for other characters. I'm not sure how well this would work out. It would definitely require the right type of people. The DM would need to be trained in some therapy techniques. But I could envision something like this being a great way for people to work together on IRL issues while also having some fun roleplaying. For some people...

Getting urge to write here more often Not sure if just a way to avoid other things 🙂 Still probably better than other distractions Feeling less likely to play SINoALICE later Signed up for Community FM game on FoL Pretty sure role based on me will involve emoji 🙂 People probably won't take the game too seriously, so should be fine if not much time Thought about using mapping tool to map out life path Found lots of cool mapping tools when working on FBR Might be inspirational to have map to view Continued using Fabulous app Started spreadsheet for distractions Added Age of Magic, SINoALICE, and RPGs

For some reason, I've always had this curiosity about live RPGs. And a few years ago I noticed that lots of games are now available over the Internet using various tools. I've had a desire to play, though I know I'm not so comfortable with the actual roleplaying part. 🙂 I think I just have this image in my mind about playing with a cool group of people and having a blast just making a story together. I did send a message to a DM looking for players on The Mute Mage . It had looked like it might be a casual game that's played post-by-post. But the DM asked about my experience with D&D 5e, which I just know about but that's it. He didn't think it would work out well since he's planning some intensive combat and other lore, so it could be overwhelming for someone new. That's good he let me know upfront. A year or 2 ago I had started watching Critical Role . It's an excellent way to get a feel of the most ideal form of the game. It was enjoyable to ...

I was experimenting some more with using Ayoa to do radial maps. This time I was doing one for my path forward. I have part of it for the Resistance just to keep those aspects in mind. I'm considering doing more with listing specific things I shouldn't do. I've tried something like that in the past and didn't get much from it. But I've been thinking it might help at this point in my life. I might even need to write out something more to myself about specific reasons why things aren't a good idea. For example, why I should no longer play certain games. Then if I ever get the urge again, I will tell myself that if I at least read through what I wrote previously and still decide on doing it, then that's okay.

I was trying out a new app called Fabulous . Can't remember where I heard about it. Maybe it was just recommended to me at the Play Store. Anyway, it appears to be a habit training app, but with a nice story feel to it. I get a little skeptical of these types of apps because often they just slap on a layer of story or inspirational theme that's not well done but just enough to be a gimmick to promote the app. However, this one appears like it might be better. I decided to go ahead and give it a try. It does require a subscription eventually. This made me think about my overall quest to create a website or app or methodology or whatever that inspires people to make positive changes. I do think something that shapes a story based around the user to give them inspiration would be helpful for a lot of people. And I've always thought that giving people a background soundtrack as they do things would also help. I wish technology were better to make this easier. Like an easier lin...

Brainstorming grand idea for Discord bot Kind of an MMO with different worlds like Sword Art Online (SAO) World seeds for other theme worlds like ALO and GGO Content can be created by users Servers could be different worlds, or cities within a world Players can move between worlds, but limited somehow Abilities and items would be morphed depending on the world Boosted servers or servers with more users would have stronger/better things Maybe servers would have relics Relics could be stolen Users can create mini-games within worlds Jumping between servers would be a special adventure somehow Users can create quests Popular content would be promoted Discovered interesting game called Pixel Starships Considering whether to try it out Sounds very detailed Not sure if I'll like the pixel art long-term Might require too much maintenance Getting distracted like crazy today We won GC today in SINoALICE

Posted thread for Dixit on POG 2+2 Gabethebabe replied that it's been played on POG 2+2 Not sure how to take that reply Searched and did find a few previous games in past years That's promising sign I should have thought to search the forums for past games AmazingErvin replied that they never played but would give it a try Ellibereth helping with FM training I want to post more about this later He's good at pushing me some to do the exercises I want to take it seriously, but also sometimes feel lazy

I installed Arknights again and just finished going through notifications. My friend Scruffy is forcing me to play. Keeps badgering me about it. 🙂 I don't really notice anything different. In fact, it almost looks like they are repeating some events from when I last played. Anyway, I'll give this a try for a bit and see how it goes. I did buy the monthly pack. UPDATE: Haha, I was playing a bit on auto and nodded off. My main hero Chen then asked if I fell asleep. Haha, so funny. 🙂