Lost Whyspers

Replied to Sassy Messaged me on my birthday last month Sounds like she is going through struggles Feel bad that I didn't see the message sooner and reply Sounds like she wants to talk about her struggles Not sure I'm someone who can really help since I don't handle my own struggles very well However I do certainly understand the need to talk about things with people I don't do that very well myself though Replied to Shade Really has been too long since I said anything He was kind to message me I do see that he's been streaming on Twitch most nights Someday maybe I'll drop in and watch while he's live Worked on getting done with a number of little tasks Feels good Reading less than usual Think I need to get into a novel again Playing Marvel Snap and Othercide lately Still don't think I'm ready to play Forum Mafia again

Going way too long without writing Wanted to write out something long about recent thoughts Settled on doing a bullet list for now Still need to get around to reading comments on my blog Still need to get around to logging into Discord again Still need to get around to communicating with friends Still need to write Still have so much I want to read Currently reading  Tress of the Emerald Sea  by Brandon Sanderson Also started reading  Things That Matter: Overcoming Distraction to Pursue a More Meaningful Life  by Joshua Becker Watching some Classroom of the Elite  anime recently So many thoughts in my head

Watched movie Everything Everywhere All At Once Still trying to process what it means to me Particularly liked a part where one character talked about how others might see him as weak However he uses kindness and positivity as his way to fight against despair in the universe Started playing Diablo 3 again a little Christmas weekend went okay

We (Town) won the invitational game on FoL! 🙂 Pathologic Invitational - TOWN VICTORY!! - Forum Games / Completed - Fortress of Lies Really need to update my FM game list Working through slight depression Working through long-term ways to handle life Need to reply to people Heard about new TV series called Wednesday Based on Addams Family Backing up couple games on FoL Not sure how ready I am to start game again Want to play, but also not wanting to move too quickly into it Big issue blowing up now 😟

Tired, although I slept longer Maybe depression? Probably depression from family issues Trying to focus on being thankful for what I have Started reading ReDawn by Brandon Sanderson Novella in the Skyward series Recalled today that I may have forgotten to reply to Jun Need to check my Discord again soon Not really feeling like looking there Don't think I can handle more Why do I make things so difficult? What's wrong with me? Sometimes wish I could just be a spirit that helps people in the background Watch people from a distance Help them out at times when hope is lost Be close yet far at the same time Be involved in their lives and helping, yet keep myself apart

Trying to be positive and thankful Almost finished reading Yes to Life: In Spite of Everything by Viktor Frankl Still learning guitar Feels like slow progress Getting better at the 3 chords I'm working on Fingers don't hurt as much Still hard to switch between them Trying to get through little tasks Finished up some tasks that were tugging at me Want to chat more with people Though also afraid for some reason Feel afraid of starting things up? Feel afraid that I can't consistently reply? Why should this matter so much? Again, I think mostly I'm just afraid of having too much to think about Yet I need a release When things are going smoothly, I'm afraid to make waves Yet that is probably when I should be taking more chances I need to make myself more comfortable with confrontation And with choices and making decisions

Been wondering how I feel about this new AI art phenomenon Some images are so cool So much potential Heard that some artists use these as starting points and then fix them up But does knowing that these are AI art reduce the appeal? I do think somewhat less of them than if a human had made them Yet at the same time, I do feel fascinated that AI could produce these just from text WindwardAway chatted with me about fencing She was surprised that I was into fencing Sounds like she has done historical fencing with rapiers and longswords Would be cool to do something like that in the future Going to sign up for another game on 17th Shard Kind of an experimental FM game

Finished watching Edge of Tomorrow Probably my 4th time or so Love the movie Replied to Silviu on FoL about advice for living life and combating depression Hmmmm, not sure if this is a call for advice from “old people”. 🙂 Though I was delighted to learn recently that Leafia is actually a couple years older than me. 🙂 A lot of your advice is spot on. Though I suppose a lot of it is the regular stuff you hear about drinking water and sleeping well and all. Everyone hears that they should do those things, but people still don’t necessarily heed it. Haha, I still tend to drink lots of coffee instead of pure water. 🙂 But one item you mentioned was something I’d like to emphasize. Taking up hobbies is definitely something that helps add vigor into your life. There was a time when I basically did nothing for hobbies. People would ask, “So what do you do in your free time? Do you have any hobbies?” and I’d be like “Ummmm, yeah, well, I like reading… and listening to podcasts…” 🙂 A rea...

Listening to philosophy podcasts Philosophize This! #126 - Gilles Deleuze pt. 2 - Immanence Existential Stoic Podcast - "The Republic" by Plato Existential Stoic Podcast - Reevaluating Suffering & Stress Jordan B. Peterson Podcast 291 - How to Combat Hedonism | Dr. Peter Kreeft Sunday Stoic 292: Memorize the Stoics with Dr. Kevin Vost Still struggling with balancing hope and despair Considering playing game like RimWorld or Stellaris Seem popular among FoL members Started playing tennis again Oh yeah, it's Halloween today 🙂 Made me recall times in Mobile Legends Miss those times somewhat, yet know I shouldn't return to that Couple more games starting up on FoL Chair of Deception game unfortunately canned since not enough players Not sure if I should join one or both of these new games EDIT: Adding note after listening to Jordan Peterson podcast mentioned above Dr. Kreeft says something about how our free will is all interconnected Good choice you make now will ...

Completed a few tasks I'd been delaying Day going well so far Chatted with Silviu a bit He was talking about his goal in learning multiple languages For working towards future goal in becoming a translator Replied to Jane's recommendation to watch anime called Bocchi the Rock If I had seen mention of it before and the general theme, I probably wouldn't have taken a 2nd look About girls in a rock band However, since Jane highly recommended it, I read a little more and see it is about social anxiety Others highly recommend it as well So placed it on my watch list

Sometimes I wonder if my ideas are utter foolishness or if there is truly a heroism in them. Like right now, I want to bring people together. I want to find ways to create and promote communities. Yet I also know I don't have the talent to do this alone. I'm not good at maintaining such things. I can only support and hope that things continue to grow on their own. I've been pondering whether to do more about FoL. Should I bother with trying to improve it? Is it really my place to do so anyway? I'm somewhat an outsider still. So why do I care so much? I'm still wondering about talking with Chloe or Arete to get their views on how things are going. And then I've considered starting discussions on the forum, possibly even the weekly discussions about topics. Should I bother? And there are still Miach and Shade. I've abandoned them for too long. How do I return? What will it be like? I'm pretty sure they would welcome me back wholeheartedly. And I can probab...

Having difficulty focusing on anything Too much to think about Too much upcoming Still considering joining the FM game Problem is that I have an upcoming trip next week Might not be able to post for a few days Miach sent more emails I replied to one about a song from Against The Current Feeling tired

Today is Taiwan's national day! 🙂 Glad to see more and more people around the world supporting Taiwan Saw article about Taiwanese citizen's being more inspired to protect their country based on Ukraine's example Still feeling kind of weird about my direction Trying to just choose things to move forward on Created mindmap named Forward for listing areas where I can make progress on Still not sure on whether to join the next FM game on FoL This week shouldn't be too bad Weekend went pretty well Miach contacted me again with a supportive message Shade has pinged me on Discord Really should respond soon SM from Fiverr gave me some stuff to look at for the FoL database search Little confusing, but will try to find time to check it out Not exactly sure what his timeline is for the rest Urgent issues coming in

Osie made a goodbye post on FoL that has me somewhat rattled Feel like making a reply Not sure how much I want to get involved Not sure exactly how I feel about Osie Not sure exactly how I feel about the situation Wondering whether to send a message to Chloe Finished a few tasks Saturday Hoping this upcoming family trip goes well Feeling somewhat heavy tonight Like I'm in the middle of endings and beginnings Thinking about joining a FM game soon Earlier thinking about Sassy from my Mistborn clan Miss her Hope she and the baby are doing well

Need to get more serious about routines I think I thrive on them Still find it hard not to allow myself to get distracted and skip routines How can I keep to them better? Vulgard's birthday today Wazza's birthday yesterday Hero on a Mission book is excellent Need to keep reading it Maybe finish this week Going to look into the life plan worksheets Helping me to fight the victim mentality Keep wanting to play Forum Mafia again Just don't think I can handle it right now Wondering if I should throw myself into a game anyway Still trying to figure out how to organize all these thoughts in my mind Mindmaps help sometimes Lists help sometimes How can I make things more into missions? J continuing to annoy everyone around them

Feel like I should write routinely Still not sure what to write about though Feel like my thoughts are too much in a jumble Saw Facebook post for friend J Saw post about visiting majestic bodies of water Hope he's enjoying his travels Making slow progress on projects Worried about upcoming projects Worried about the unexpected as usual Trying to be positive and focus on good things now Trying to keep a heroic mindset Stuck, stuck, stuck Why do I keep going in circles? Ahhhh, why can't I be left alone? I realize that sometimes the only way I get anything done is to get thrown into it or to throw myself into it in a moment of impulse

Taiwan situation getting intense China continuing to amplify their threats Weird when Americans say I must be relieved to have gotten out of Taiwan Naturally I'm personally relieved to not go through that directly However, I have friends and family still in Taiwan who I worry about Almost feel guilty for being away now Of course, any groups with old or new Chinese friends here completely ignore talking about the situation Feel rather tired Probably need more sleep Just also tired from not really getting a chance to relax yet Though things are getting better and there is light at the end of the tunnel Miach contacted me again I really need to get back to her soon For some reason still not feeling ready for deeper conversations Haven't listened to music as much lately Also still need to get back into reading more regularly

Starting to get some breathing space after moving back to US Trip itself went well and without any major issues Extremely busy since getting here Going to still be busy in months ahead Trying to sort out everything and take things step by step Preparing to open Discord for first time in awhile Kind of worried about that for some reason Yet also look forward to getting back into my social circles Joined EIMM misc game on FoL Originally just planned to be backup for in case they needed it They immediately let me take over Geyde's slot since he had to drop out Game hasn't actually started yet Not exactly sure I understand how this is going to work, but should be less effort than regular FM game Interesting to read about Nancy Pelosi visiting Taiwan now Need to get back into reading Also need to start listening to music again

Getting pushed to my breaking point Working on holding out Almost to the finish line for this stage Then new stage begins Haven't checked Discord for many days now Can't take any more inputs Though wish I could talk with someone Reading Sunreach by Brandon Sanderson Not quite as riveting as the full novels, but still enjoyable

Kind of depressed today Find that often happens when my plans keep getting derailed by others Well, others who are demanding and unappreciative Otherwise I don't mind taking time out to help Arete wrote a kind "thank you" comment to me on Breadbox Made my day 🙂