Lost Whyspers

I've been pondering a lot about what I live for. What gives meaning to my life? That seems like an important question to answer. Yet sometimes it feels like a trick question that will absorb all your time trying to figure out. That maybe it is best to just do what you can with little things in daily life and little wins here and there and not worry about that big question. Sometimes I think I have an answer and it motivates me for a time. Maybe not always the full answer, but I get a feeling like I'm on the verge of knowing the answer and if I just pursue it down a certain path, it will become more and more clear. But then things overtake me and I soon forget where I'm going. Is it getting any better the longer I live? I have this hope and faith that it is. So even though I've failed so many times in the past, I have become more experience and wise hopefully that when I get on the path again, I'm be better prepared to follow through. And that will my experience and ...

Listening to philosophy podcasts Philosophize This! #126 - Gilles Deleuze pt. 2 - Immanence Existential Stoic Podcast - "The Republic" by Plato Existential Stoic Podcast - Reevaluating Suffering & Stress Jordan B. Peterson Podcast 291 - How to Combat Hedonism | Dr. Peter Kreeft Sunday Stoic 292: Memorize the Stoics with Dr. Kevin Vost Still struggling with balancing hope and despair Considering playing game like RimWorld or Stellaris Seem popular among FoL members Started playing tennis again Oh yeah, it's Halloween today 🙂 Made me recall times in Mobile Legends Miss those times somewhat, yet know I shouldn't return to that Couple more games starting up on FoL Chair of Deception game unfortunately canned since not enough players Not sure if I should join one or both of these new games EDIT: Adding note after listening to Jordan Peterson podcast mentioned above Dr. Kreeft says something about how our free will is all interconnected Good choice you make now will ...

I can't focus!!! Need to just keep it to small steps! Going to try listening to Stoic podcasts again Sunday Stoic 285: Oikeiosis Sunday Stoic 286: Meditations X.1-3: Align Your Natures Sunday Stoic 287: Part of the Whole. Meditations 10.4-10.6 Sunday Stoic 288: Meditations 10.7: Change is not Evil Sunday Stoic 289: Meditations 10.8 How to find the Fortunate Islands Sunday Stoic 290: Wise Up With Karen Duffy

Sometimes I want so badly to complain Especially about an injustice or unfairness But if the complaining does nothing, should I? If it is just venting? Or is it better to endure in silence? I know the frustration has to be released But perhaps other forms of release like meditation are better than venting Often when dwelling on unfairness in my head, I find myself just going in circles and circles Why do some people with insecurities choose to take them out on others? While other people learn to become more empathic towards others? As I've lived life, I feel I've become better at seeing things through the eyes of others Even when I don't necessary have the same exact problems or to the same degree, my imagination is developed enough where I feel I can picture what it must be like Sometimes I feel this strongly enough that it makes me cry Sometimes I even worry about thinking on such things too long since it can hurt my soul Continuing to watch Shade's gaming streams wit...

Nice chat with Miach today She's very sweet Probably should chat with her more She watches Shade stream games Not sure how I'm feeling Sometimes feel better and more hopeful But then that easily gets smothered by certain people and events How can I live more like the Stoics? Watched episodes 1 and 2 of Witcher season 2 Liking it a lot so far Love Ciri and Geralt Not sure how I feel about Yennefer this time around

Falling back on simple Bullet Journal Really feel need to write, but can't find focus for more complete writing Thoughts in my head driving me crazy Reading stuff in #lgbt-zone channel of Breadbox My heart goes out to some of these people Wish some way in heaven and earth that I could help Teetering on depression Keeping myself from dwelling on thoughts that I know could bring me down Found that I need to go back to watching inspirational videos Let me release my emotions to some extent I do still feel a light of hope through all this I know I can make it God or someone or something has always been watching over me For this I am truly thankful Want to write about some ongoing games on FoL Might try continuing to read Harrow the Ninth next

Started post Friday on dealing with difficult people Don't think I'll manage to finish it That day I had to separately deal with 2 difficult people and their blow-ups Situations were still somewhat ongoing People I've had issues with before Unfortunately can't do anything to avoid dealing with them Could feel myself getting depressed and feeling so overwhelmed Like it was end of everything good again Stopped myself from going too far down Realized I could work through it Just needed to handle things calmly Things worked out fairly well Learned my cousin has cancer She's gone through other difficulties in her life recently already Feel so bad for her Can't help feeling a bit relieved that I'm not going through that Feel grateful for what I have Feel less worried about my own problems Is it good or bad that other people's problems can make us feel better about our own? What if a scapegoat of sorts is necessary for us to put things into perspective? For us ...

Playing less on Board Game Arena Playing in Blood on the Forum game on FoL CRichard plans to host one next His 1st time as main storyteller Playing in Mobile Legends still Reached Epic again recently Hope I can reach Legend by the end of the season Reached No. 31 Lolita for Taiwan Continuing to mostly play Lolita Tempted to play other heroes, but don't want to screw up 🙂 Saw that the Player's Invitational game is starting up on FoL Wish I could have joined Looks like nice player list Not really ready for Forum Mafia yet Had to decline some invitations to games recently My current situation isn't really good for playing Continuing to listen to Stoic podcasts a lot Hope to talk more about them soon

Continuing to play Mobile Legends Vulgard joined my squad Played game with Sassy and Cleez Their baby is already 2 years old! Feel bad for not asking more Want to learn new Edith hero Continuing to read Elantris Saw that they were doing the gift exchange for FoL Wanted to join, but felt bad for not doing something creative Saw really cool slideshow Min put together for Chloe Feel bad about not talking more with Constantyne Installed some graphics software on laptop Want to learn some stuff Still thinking of best PBF game to host on FoL Not sure if Betrayal at House on the Hill will be too complicated New BotF game already starting up on FoL Timing was perfect to allow me to sign up first as traveller Really don't want to be Demon again 🙂 Chatted with Vulgard again Learned that he plays DR roleplaying on Discord Works on creative writing for that Couple days ago I allowed my anger to get the best of me Ended up making mistake Mistake was also partially due to neglect at paying att...

Started reading Elantris by Brandon Sanderson Completed a few little things here and there Feel good about that Trying not to think of all the other things still to do 🙂 Joined a Blood on the Forums game on FoL Previous one in signups didn't get enough players This game filled up fairly quickly Going to just enjoy the craziness and not get worked up about what others do Continuing to listen to Stoic podcasts Continuing with my Duolingo streak for studying Chinese Continuing to meditate in the mornings when I can

May have avoided most damage from my mistake yesterday Times like this make me feel more strongly that someone is watching over me Chloe continuing to make progress on new FoL site Let her know about what I did with FoL archive Probably going to make page explaining things Listening to Stoic podcasts still helpful Currently on something like 42-day streak for studying Chinese in Duolingo

Apparently more serious problem with FoL site May never be restored Mods are working on getting new site hosted elsewhere Offered to pay for 1st year hosting so we get reduced price Monthly donations can be saved up for next year Suggested "Fellowship of Lies" or "Family of Lies" for new site name Someone else listed other suggestions of "Fortress of Lies" and "Fount of Lies" which I like Moved FoL archive to GitHub WhysperKitsune/FoL-Archive (github.com) Set up Netlify to automatically publish from GitHub https://fol-archive.netlify.app Still working on getting Google to crawl site Continuing to read Warbreaker Going through a rough time now Fighting away tendency towards depression Listening to Stoic podcasts helps

Not sure what to expect from this week Still worried about another incident coming up unexpectedly Still so much to do Need to take it step by step Continuing to watch Sword Art Online: Alicization Another incident did come up just now Luckily was able to resolve it quickly Really was nothing Just a certain person trying to make problems out of nothing Continuing to listen to Existential Stoic Podcast Hosts are kind of dorks and say a lot of cliché things over and over However I find this still useful Discovered that just listening to same stuff from various people is good Sometimes gives different perspective Even gives chance to rethink things I've overlooked Above is another recent piece from WLOP

Getting some professional tasks done Playing less on BGA lately Not playing mobile games lately Still considering Mobile Legends Also considering GWENT Listening to podcasts Bookworm 125: Willpower Doesn’t Work by Benjamin Hardy Existential Stoic Podcast - A Field Guide to a Happy Life - with Massimo Pigliucci Bookworm 126: The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest Bookworm 127: The Art of the Idea by John Hunt Reading Rhythm of War Slacking on practicing Chinese Still need to reply to a few people Artwork above based on Saber character added to some 2D fighter game called Melty Blood Saw an announcement about it recently Slightly tempted to play Realized I'm not that good at 2D fighter games 🙂 Plus it wasn't mobile

About halfway done with Rhythm of War Excellent series that continually impresses me Reading helps me feel more alive Going to experiment with tracking Forum Mafia info in OneNote Probably use section for each game Also sections for general info on wolf and town tells Maybe section for info on players? I think OneNote allows tagging, which should be useful for cross referencing I've heard searching in OneNote is fairly good Idea based on discussions with Askthepizzaguy Also from reading his article on his SkyNet Listening to podcasts on Stoicism

Find myself getting snappish with people and things Need to calm down Need to focus on good things more often Maybe I need to do something more directly related to Stoicism? Still think reading helps me Trying to keep up with practicing Chinese Morning seems to work better for this Getting slightly tempted to play Mobile Legends again Saw some recent updates They added some sort of affinity system now They reworked some old skins New artwork from WLOP above

Man, I'm such a bad Stoic 😔 Letting my emotions have too much sway over me Need to be more Stoic More like a Jedi 🙂 Considering how to work on myself in this area Watching some inspirational videos I saved to my phone helped me recover Thinking about how much worse things could be helped Still playing SINoALICE Still uncertain whether to continue Only continuing for Senate guild Good people Want to help them have fun together Slowly getting organized more Making small steps Continued with Chinese studies Practiced characters Practiced vocabulary

Feel so lost again Not sure where to go Need to make a choice about the direction I'm taking in the years to come Feel so tired Feel so angry at times Getting annoyed easily Feel my hatred festering for a certain someone Feel myself distancing from certain others Need to get back into Stoicism Felt that helped me deal with chaos and injustice Came upon book called Never Say You Can't Survive: How to Get Through Hard Times by Making Up Stories Coincidence for it to come up now? Recently been thinking about how stories help reshape situations Opened free preview to see if it seemed like something I'd be interested in Got pulled away from even reading that Need to try again! Liking the new art studies from NIXEU New one above feels like she's had a rough time She's getting ready to piece herself together and get back to work on things Exactly how I feel now Met player named Kungfupizza on BGA Italian guy who visited Taiwan couple of times Interesting to talk with Tried...

There's this guy on POG 2+2 called Gabethebabe who uses a profile pic of Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars. He had joined the Fortified Tower game on FoL when I advertised it. The only person to do so from either POG 2+2 or 17th Shard . I had been grateful, though a little concerned since I'd seen him involved in an argument about his usage of an H. P. Lovecraft mod account for his Cthulhu minimash. He had also signed up for the Dixit game I was planning to host on POG 2+2 . I had started the signups before the lockdown in Taiwan got serious and ended up needing to delay the game. I didn't want to start the actual game if I was still uncertain about my schedule and couldn't guarantee time to consistently host it. Apparently Gabe didn't like that I was continuing to post on FoL for the Fortified Tower game and yet didn't start the Dixit game. I'm not sure if he's just not understanding that there's a difference between posting as a player for a gam...

Taiwan going through water shortage Not sure how much to be concerned about this Trust government to handle as best as possible Time goes by so quickly each day Morning hours go by too quickly No time lately to chat with people What changes should I make? Still thinking about new profile pic Still thinking about Forum Battle Royale Clan Wars coming up this weekend for Age of Magic Having neck pain Listened to The Daily Stoic Podcast Steven Pressfield on Battling Resistance and Winning With Love Free of passion, full of love Let evil come into the world but not though me (Alexander Solzhenitsyn?) Training myself for the one moment We can choose who we follow in tradition, who we are the children of How are you measuring yourself against your hero? Also have our anti-heroes Listening to The Jordan B Peterson Podcast S4 E10: Bret Weinstein iGen has grown up with Internet Internet persona is more them than IRL persona Civil war between those for whom Internet persona is primary and those f...