Lost Whyspers

Tired, although I slept longer Maybe depression? Probably depression from family issues Trying to focus on being thankful for what I have Started reading ReDawn by Brandon Sanderson Novella in the Skyward series Recalled today that I may have forgotten to reply to Jun Need to check my Discord again soon Not really feeling like looking there Don't think I can handle more Why do I make things so difficult? What's wrong with me? Sometimes wish I could just be a spirit that helps people in the background Watch people from a distance Help them out at times when hope is lost Be close yet far at the same time Be involved in their lives and helping, yet keep myself apart

I finished reading Yes to Life: In Spite of Everything by Viktor Frankl. It really spoke to me as it has to many others. I wanted to quickly quote a paragraph from the end of the book that particularly addressed something that I've been thinking a lot about lately. It is terrible to know that at every moment I bear responsibility for the next; that every decision, from the smallest to the largest, is a decision “for all eternity”; that in every moment I can actualize the possibility of a moment, of that particular moment, or forfeit it. Every single moment contains thousands of possibilities—and I can only choose one of them to actualize it. But in making the choice, I have condemned all the others and sentenced them to “never being,” and even this is for all eternity! But it is wonderful to know that the future—my own future and with it the future of the things, the people around me—is somehow, albeit to a very small extent, dependent on my decisions in every moment. Everything I

Trying to be positive and thankful Almost finished reading Yes to Life: In Spite of Everything by Viktor Frankl Still learning guitar Feels like slow progress Getting better at the 3 chords I'm working on Fingers don't hurt as much Still hard to switch between them Trying to get through little tasks Finished up some tasks that were tugging at me Want to chat more with people Though also afraid for some reason Feel afraid of starting things up? Feel afraid that I can't consistently reply? Why should this matter so much? Again, I think mostly I'm just afraid of having too much to think about Yet I need a release When things are going smoothly, I'm afraid to make waves Yet that is probably when I should be taking more chances I need to make myself more comfortable with confrontation And with choices and making decisions

Finished reading Hero on a Mission by Donald Miller Rated 4/5 Felt inspirational and I considered rating this higher Still need to go through the worksheets for this, which will be the real test Special family event tonight Going to be busy weekend for Thanksgiving

Day going by so quickly Almost forgot to write here Frustration and hope mixed together a lot lately Reading a little Need more time to read I'm thankful for life Can't believe the year is almost over as well Should I plan out next year? Want more time for HOAM Wrote a little on Friday

Felt so tired this morning Starting to wake up Had to take it slowly Continuing to learn guitar Feels like progressing slowly Going to keep at it though Starting to turn things around Feeling better about the day Want to get around to some deep thinking Still loving AI art Want to take some time to read about it Saw video about using a tool to create self-portraits

Remember, the key to accomplishing something big is to stay focused on what you're trying to bring into the world and putting a little something on the plot every day. ― Donald Miller How in the world do some people write so much so quickly? Wish I was a better writer I know part of it is simply practice Just doing it as a routine and gradually getting better I'll keep up with this journaling at least Keep viewing AI art Amazed still by what I see Want to get into using it Not exactly sure what I need to do I have some ideas of how to use AI art for my potential projects Reading! Can I get to it today? Found myself aggravated yesterday by someone's ridiculous request Not sure whether to just give in and do it to smooth things over Or whether to push back so this doesn't continue in the future Still disappointed in myself for letting it get to me more than it should I should be more calm about these things Keep finding myself wasting time Still trying to figure out best

Why do I let myself get aggravated easily in discussions or arguments? I do feel the need to correct people on mistakes Yet sometimes that doesn't really matter Especially if they aren't really receptive Often people have another point to continuing the discussion and don't really care about being correct I try to not let myself get clouded by the need to set things right I try to tell myself to look at the end goal of a conversation To also look at the end goal of a relationship with someone Will continuing to correct them help? If not, then just let it go Feeling so busy and slightly overwhelmed Though not too stressed Just lots to do and I'm trying to keep moving forward Slightly anxious about issues coming up, but doing okay This is probably a good state to be in overall Need to get more reading in Still meditating Believe this is helping Still putting in time to study Still taking time to exercise

Aaahhhh, it can be so frustrating working with idiotic people! 🙂 Seems like this can't be avoided anywhere in life Keep needing to remind myself to not let it get to me Though hypocrites are worse And people who are stubborn just because they want to pick a fight I'm the type of person who always wants to find a solution and try to make things work out best for everyone Too busy today to stop and think of what else to write

Love this artwork from Nixeu, so using it for my profile pic. I believe it is a character named Ei from Genshin Impact.

Been wondering how I feel about this new AI art phenomenon Some images are so cool So much potential Heard that some artists use these as starting points and then fix them up But does knowing that these are AI art reduce the appeal? I do think somewhat less of them than if a human had made them Yet at the same time, I do feel fascinated that AI could produce these just from text WindwardAway chatted with me about fencing She was surprised that I was into fencing Sounds like she has done historical fencing with rapiers and longswords Would be cool to do something like that in the future Going to sign up for another game on 17th Shard Kind of an experimental FM game

Finished watching Edge of Tomorrow Probably my 4th time or so Love the movie Replied to Silviu on FoL about advice for living life and combating depression Hmmmm, not sure if this is a call for advice from “old people”. 🙂 Though I was delighted to learn recently that Leafia is actually a couple years older than me. 🙂 A lot of your advice is spot on. Though I suppose a lot of it is the regular stuff you hear about drinking water and sleeping well and all. Everyone hears that they should do those things, but people still don’t necessarily heed it. Haha, I still tend to drink lots of coffee instead of pure water. 🙂 But one item you mentioned was something I’d like to emphasize. Taking up hobbies is definitely something that helps add vigor into your life. There was a time when I basically did nothing for hobbies. People would ask, “So what do you do in your free time? Do you have any hobbies?” and I’d be like “Ummmm, yeah, well, I like reading… and listening to podcasts…” 🙂 A reading

Tired Don't feel like doing much Must move forward though Finished watching Rings of Power S01E07 Also watched couple episodes of Brandon Sanderson discussing the TV series with someone Interesting to listen to their perspectives Still enjoying the series overall One more episode to go Feel like I keep forgetting things Took care of couple things I'd forgotten to do earlier

Mix of good and bad news today Things are manageable overall Doing well in some games on BGA Got into Elite league for Martian Dice Managed to get into Gold league for Can't Stop Getting stuff done Yet still so much on my list Need to get back to more planning Still studying Chinese most days Meditating more recently Both love and hate that people depend on me Want to be needed Want to help out Yet also get frustrated sometimes when taken for granted Recently liking song called Silent Scream Anna Blue- Silent Scream (Official Music Video) - YouTube

Why do some people make things more difficult than they need to be??? Can I find some uninterrupted time to finish up a task? EDIT: I finished this up and it was much easier than expected 🙂 Getting somewhat better at playing a couple chords correctly on guitar Still difficult to switch quickly between them Find myself wanting to slip into despair Keeping my spirits up as best as I can Keeping in mind my quest Brainstorming ideas for RPG motivation app or website Something I've been thinking about for a long time I have thoughts of what would help me Wish it were easier to get thoughts into the real world I feel like there is still something in my mind that needs to get out Oh, I think a new Mistborn book was released Man, I need to update my FM game list Doing better at updating the FoL game list than my own 🙂

Feel weird depression trying to take hold When I look at my list of things to do, it is huge I could easily fall into despair At the same time, I know there will be a way to manage all this And even if I can't, I know that it all doesn't really matter so much Life will move on What's important to focus on? Stories Don't forget to enjoy stories Don't forget to give life stories Started learning guitar I've wanted to do so for some time Assassin in the Palace game finished on FoL Quite short Zone was the assassin and won He was correctly executed the second day, but correctly chose Magnus as the King for his target AI Upick FM game starting on FoL soon Hopefully I can manage it Kind of tired today Had distractions late last night

Feeling good this morning Things should be okay today Still want to get stuff done though Judicious use of rewards and compliments for good behavior Works even in difficult relationships Something heard from Jordan Peterson again in podcast Urgent issue came up Hopefully easy enough to handle

Made a couple mistakes Recovered somewhat sloppily Glad to be through that though Got through some routines this morning Good to get them done early when possible Routines really do help me Preparation really helps me avoid issues Want to do more Want to put my effort into meaningful things, even if small things Still hesitating on playing mobile or PC games Not sure why? Maybe just don't want the trouble? I do want to play something sometimes

Another day, another struggle Trying to think about why I felt so good last night Probably something to do with it being the end of a day and nothing left required Yet I want to do more Just feel tired of all the struggles Yet shouldn't I be glad for those? More things to plan out Feels good that people are a little more talkative lately on FoL People submitting nominations for awards Still like that they introduced the anon feedback thing Keep getting this feeling like I want to write more Want to say more about how I feel But then I can't really think of what to write 🙂

Halloween was enjoyable last night Glad my nieces got to experience it while still young enough Keep trying to remind myself not to dwell too much on difficulties Don't make things bigger than they are Also keep reminding myself of all the struggles I've overcome I'm so thankful for that Also so many things could have been much worse and yet weren't Think I'm kind of tired Probably should be getting more sleep Lately I've been staying up longer than I should Why do I get stuck so much? Even for little things that I know aren't so bad? I can sense it is mainly that I'm worried about all the possibilities All the possible problems that might stem from the one step I just feel so tired and don't want to have to deal with more Even thinking about more issues I don't want to deal with that sometimes Even when they are all little things when it comes down to it I really do need to exercise my ability to make decisions I think the above image was create