Lost Whyspers

Since writing my last post, I’ve been trying to take a few more small steps back into things. One of those steps was joining a mafia game on 17th Shard. It’s called QF80 -  In Pursuit of Harmony , and it’s my first game in about four years. 🗡️✨ I was nervous about it. There are a lot of people, a lot of rules, and a lot of opportunities to say something awkward or disappear again. But a Quick Fix game felt like a manageable way to try. There’s a structure to it. A shared story. A reason to show up and say something. I’m playing a Malwish summit aide who keeps track of negotiations, remembers details, and notices the people everyone else overlooks. That part felt very easy to understand. 📚👀 I’m still remembering how to participate. Still figuring out when to speak, how much to say, and how to let myself enjoy being around people again. But I’m there. I’m posting. I’m asking questions. I’m trying to follow the conversation even when my brain tells me I’m probably doing everything ...

It’s been a long time since I wrote here. The last post was in 2023, which feels strange to even type. ⏳ A lot has happened since then, although I’m not sure I know how to summarize it neatly. Anxiety , mostly. Some other life issues. A slow tendency to recede from things instead of reaching toward them. 🌧️ At first it was online spaces. I stopped replying to messages. I avoided communities I used to enjoy. I kept thinking I would come back when I felt more prepared, or more like myself, or less tired. I kept waiting for “later,” and then later became a habit . 🫥 Eventually I started avoiding social contact in real life too. It was easier to stay home. Easier not to explain myself. Easier to let the world keep moving without me for a while. 🏠 I don’t think I made a deliberate decision to disappear. I just kept taking one small step backward, and then another. Over the last half year or so, I’ve been taking anxiety medication , and it has really helped. 💊 It hasn’t magically fixed ...