What do I live for?

I've been pondering a lot about what I live for. What gives meaning to my life? That seems like an important question to answer. Yet sometimes it feels like a trick question that will absorb all your time trying to figure out. That maybe it is best to just do what you can with little things in daily life and little wins here and there and not worry about that big question.

Sometimes I think I have an answer and it motivates me for a time. Maybe not always the full answer, but I get a feeling like I'm on the verge of knowing the answer and if I just pursue it down a certain path, it will become more and more clear. But then things overtake me and I soon forget where I'm going.

Is it getting any better the longer I live? I have this hope and faith that it is. So even though I've failed so many times in the past, I have become more experience and wise hopefully that when I get on the path again, I'm be better prepared to follow through. And that will my experience and connections between knowledge, I'll know how everything works together better. I do hope this is the case.

I hate that I'm easily swayed by emotions, by feelings at the moment that can push me off my path. And especially by how others respond around me. So if I am trying to help someone and they aren't very moved or even worse, they completely reject it and blame me in some way, then I just can't handle that and don't even want to continue trying.

How can I build a fortress in my mind? I know that the Stoics talk about this, and recently I've come to think that this is a necessity for me to move forward. That I need a place in my mind to retreat to and to recover so that I can then go back out with renewed energy time and time again.

I imagine building such a fortress involves memorizing quotes and inspiring texts and thinking of inspiring things. And having that special meaning of life stored away to look back on and keep me inspired. That might not be the full extent of it, but I would think this would be at least a part of it.