My wish for writing

I wish so much that I could write more freely. That I would be held back so much from writing what's on my mind. I've been considering what impedes me. I'm pretty sure a part is simply that I don't feel confident. I don't know whether my words will be considered seriously. Or they may be misinterpreted. Or that I will look silly for the ideas I present.

Another aspect is somewhat related but a slightly different focus. I feel so strongly that I can't get into words all my true thoughts. And this annoys me. I have an idea in my mind and think that there's no way I can get it completely into words. No matter how hard I might try. So then it feels almost a disservice to even try. That I'm making an inferior version of the idea by putting it into words.

I know this is all silly. People realize that words don't necessarily convey everything but that a person still needs to try. And I also realize that this improves over time with practice. The more I write, the better I'll probably get at putting things into words even if it is never perfect.

I often get depressed just thinking about how things are so imperfect. I see ideas in my head of how things could be and then see how far away things are in the real world.

Writing seems to come so easily to everyone else. And I don't mean professional or creative writing necessarily. Even just everyday writing for conversations. I see people posting and chatting and wish I could do it like that. Usually that only comes about if I'm in a one-on-one conversation with someone. Then I can often let go and freely chat with them if they engage me with questions and their own ideas.

I suppose I just need to do this more often. Try to write freely like this.

Perhaps I could look into videos on writing. Or even writing courses.