Treading water

I feel like I'm treading water. Just doing enough to get by. I thought I was improving recently with some thoughts about stories and how life is all stories and how we interpret them. But I haven't moved forward with that.

My day is broken up into so many little segments. I either feel so tired, or I'm busy, or I'm waiting on someone or something and can't focus. Or I just want to rest and recover.

I keep thinking that I need to plan out my days more. And that's probably true. But I'm not sure how to make that work. It's more a motivation problem. And lack of energy.

How can I shape my story to help myself move forward?

While out walking this evening, I did think about something that came up in my meditation sessions recently. She talked about thinking about this being the last day of my life and what I would prioritize. So I actually dwelled on that a bit tonight.

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't worry about anything like wanting to travel somewhere or do something I'd always wanted. I think I would be pretty boring and just want to write to people and let them know how much they meant to me. I'd want to do something special for my nieces, like maybe make a video message. I considered the possibility that I'd want to finish up watching any shows I hadn't completed to see how they ended.

I'm not sure that I'd even want to talk much with my parents. Sure, it would be nice to reminisce about good memories. I'm just worried that things would get into talk I wouldn't want to spend time on.

I might want to finish up some loose ends in my work. Make sure that things are where someone could continue with things.

I would have lots of regrets about not doing much to make an impact. I wish I could do more to inspire people and help people in bad situations. Of course, this is where I'm suppose to realize that I still have time and could still do this if I put my mind to it. But how?