Lost Whyspers

Getting back to basics with bullet journaling Crazy busy, so... Haha, just got interrupted even writing that previous sentence 🙂 BotF game on FoL had host issue, so needs to be reranded Osie contacted me about making static backup for Mafia Colosseum We investigate getting files directly from hosting account Unfortunately threads aren't available Contacted guy on Fiverr again Started reading Children of the Nameless by Brandon Sanderson Part of Magic: The Gathering Already gripped me within 1st couple pages Thinking about dropping Re:ZERO Vol. 2 Chinese New Year coming up next week Hoping everything goes well Proud of myself for keeping up with Duolingo for Chinese learning Ashamed I haven't progressed further in Chinese though

I discovered a new band called Against The Current. One of their songs was recommended on Spotify based on the other songs I like. So far I've been loving a bunch of their songs. The lead singer is kind of cute, too. 🙂 I especially like the song "weapon".

Started post Friday on dealing with difficult people Don't think I'll manage to finish it That day I had to separately deal with 2 difficult people and their blow-ups Situations were still somewhat ongoing People I've had issues with before Unfortunately can't do anything to avoid dealing with them Could feel myself getting depressed and feeling so overwhelmed Like it was end of everything good again Stopped myself from going too far down Realized I could work through it Just needed to handle things calmly Things worked out fairly well Learned my cousin has cancer She's gone through other difficulties in her life recently already Feel so bad for her Can't help feeling a bit relieved that I'm not going through that Feel grateful for what I have Feel less worried about my own problems Is it good or bad that other people's problems can make us feel better about our own? What if a scapegoat of sorts is necessary for us to put things into perspective? For us ...

Discovered that Ruby in Mobile Legends was turned into a Fighter/Tank instead of just Fighter May go back to using her since she was fun Apparently she can be good as a roaming tank, like Lolita Continuing to go up in Rank Chatted with Vulgard about post-rock Sent me link to website Post-Pedia Told me about various post-rock bands, including one strangely named 417.3 Apparently he use to enjoy listening to Two Steps From Hell a lot as well Also talked about the RPing survey on FoL Family member diagnosed with possible ovarian tumor Praying for her Woke up a bit late this morning Not sure if I just slept through my alarms??? Thank God it wasn't too late Could have gone horribly wrong and been late to drive my nieces to school Today is especially important for them to be there on time

Good results coming in for my occupation Still have lots to work on Played with some previous Mistborn clan members in Mobile Legends Posted role-playing survey on FoL Based on discussion with Vulgard about RPing Also Ruby expressed interest for my Betrayal game Hesitating awhile on whether to start up the discussion Worried about reaction of others I guess Initial reactions were somewhat disappointing Now reactions are becoming more interesting and enjoyable to see Another great piece from my favorite artist WLOP

So been thinking about music tastes. I've discovered that mine are quite different from most of the others at FoL . They've been doing the FoLrus, which is a sort of music choice competition for various categories and various judges. I think Sulit put my song midway, though not sure. I think she was giving almost all songs higher ratings and having lots of ties, so hard to tell. But for others like Orange and DatBird, I think my songs were in the lower half. I guess that's fine. I wasn't exactly expecting to match with what they'd like. Though I'm surprised by some of the songs that they ranked high. Most of the stuff Orange ranked high just sounded horrible to me. Everything just sounded like stuff old people listen to. 🙂 I mean, I like some oldies here and there. Though mostly for nostalgia. Nothing really I'd listen to over and over again. Today Chloe did hers. I was thinking the Meet Me On The Battlefield song by SVRCINA would be something she'd lik...

Continuing to play Mobile Legends Realized that playing might be helping my mood recently Usually only play 1 or 2 games a day Enough to keep me satisfied and use it as an outlet for energy I guess Chatted with Vulgard about ML Thought about how if I work on Forum Moba, might consult Vulgard for advice Looking at Betrayal at House on the Hill for PBF again Tried out PaintShop Pro that I installed recently Works much better for putting together the room tiles and rotating them Need to finish up instructions Recently started reading Re:ZERO Vol. 2 Somewhat silly, but enjoyable based on remembering anime

Feeling more hopeful recently Working on changing my mindset Trying out various methods from the past that I remember helping Feel like I want to ask Arete about Telume They have quote on their FoL profile I think Telume is a RP character of theirs Feel hesitant to just come out and ask though Starting to feel more like playing Forum Mafia again Probably stick with adding myself as backup See what opportunity presents itself Probably should follow a game more closely Still thinking about Misc game to host on FoL Kind of want to finish designing Forum Moba Maybe should go with Betrayal at House on the Hill though Thinking about my purpose more and more Thinking about what truly motivates me Like some of the new styles by one of my favorites artists named Nixeu

I feel like I'm treading water. Just doing enough to get by. I thought I was improving recently with some thoughts about stories and how life is all stories and how we interpret them. But I haven't moved forward with that. My day is broken up into so many little segments. I either feel so tired, or I'm busy, or I'm waiting on someone or something and can't focus. Or I just want to rest and recover. I keep thinking that I need to plan out my days more. And that's probably true. But I'm not sure how to make that work. It's more a motivation problem. And lack of energy. How can I shape my story to help myself move forward? While out walking this evening, I did think about something that came up in my meditation sessions recently. She talked about thinking about this being the last day of my life and what I would prioritize. So I actually dwelled on that a bit tonight. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't worry about anything like wanting to travel somewhere o...

So much I feel like writing about Made lots of notes on my phone Not sure where to start, so just doing bullet journal first Hope I get around to more Things going fairly well at the moment Problem still is getting energy to move forward on projects Partly problem with still being indecisive on priorities Helping Marshal host word game on FoL Recently watched The Matrix: Resurrections Rated 7/10 Story wasn't all that compelling Some philosophy about choice and other topics was interesting though Started watching Blade Runner 2049 Had a dream where I accidentally copy-pasted a work-related email to Discord I was horrified and panicking Must have been on the Breadbox server As I was trying to remove it quickly, somehow Chloe knew it was something revealing and helped me delete it So relieved and thankful to her for that I think this ties into recent thoughts about feeling accepted by the group “He saw it in her eyes. The anguish, the frustration. The terrible nothing that clawed insi...

I switched out my pfp to something lighter. This one was just called Pink Girl.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ SPOILER ALERT! This contains spoilers for  Elantris  by Brandon Sanderson. I finished reading Elantris. It was an amazing read like Sanderson's other stories. I loved all the main characters. I do hope Sanderson gets around to continuing this series. I particularly liked some of the ideas the story focused on, like hope. Raoden was a source of hope for those around him. It was infectious. And even when everything seemed in despair towards the end, Galladon couldn't help but retain that hope even if he wished it would go away. There was again the idea of not knowing someone and assuming things that turn out to be false or even completely the opposite. This has made me consider my own assumptions about people and situations. I want to cultivate this source of wisdom. While it's true that my assumptions may turn out to be correct, and possibly in all likelihood, I think it is still wise to take the time to question those assumptions. So even when I am correct about the...

Playing less on Board Game Arena Playing in Blood on the Forum game on FoL CRichard plans to host one next His 1st time as main storyteller Playing in Mobile Legends still Reached Epic again recently Hope I can reach Legend by the end of the season Reached No. 31 Lolita for Taiwan Continuing to mostly play Lolita Tempted to play other heroes, but don't want to screw up 🙂 Saw that the Player's Invitational game is starting up on FoL Wish I could have joined Looks like nice player list Not really ready for Forum Mafia yet Had to decline some invitations to games recently My current situation isn't really good for playing Continuing to listen to Stoic podcasts a lot Hope to talk more about them soon

Last night I had a situation where I was quickly becoming overwhelmed and almost breaking. Looking back, I see that it was actually quite silly. But at that moment in time, I felt like everything was coming together to break me. I had been taking a nap in preparation for working late. I cut it short to check on something quickly. However, now that I was available, everyone was needing my help or attention for various things. And I still had my own tasks to finish up. Then other things I still planned to do later. My mind started to wander into future months ahead and worry that perhaps everything was headed to one big failure. I forced myself not to think about everything else and just focus on the one thing I was doing at the time. This got me through it all. Everything settled again to a stable situation. I am still anxious about the months ahead. I am trying to hold faith that taking it a step at a time will get me through it all.

Today I decided to subscribe to Todoist again. I last used it a few years ago. I think I need to get back to a more structured way of handling all my tasks. I find that I've gone back and forth on this over the years. I assume it's because I find the structure unbearable after a time, or that I decide there must be a better way to handle things. So I want to try something different, usually less structured, and then go downhill from there. Until it gets to this point where I find everything too hectic and then seek structure once more. I hope that I've learned something along the way and can make it work better this time. I feel like I can. I already had some ideas of what to keep from before and what to change. I'm not sure if the fact that this is a new year made me do this. I wasn't thinking about New Year's resolutions and the like. But it's possible that subconsciously this was part of it. One aspect that I'm undecided on is how to handle habits. Pa...