Lost Whyspers

Listening to philosophy podcasts Philosophize This! #126 - Gilles Deleuze pt. 2 - Immanence Existential Stoic Podcast - "The Republic" by Plato Existential Stoic Podcast - Reevaluating Suffering & Stress Jordan B. Peterson Podcast 291 - How to Combat Hedonism | Dr. Peter Kreeft Sunday Stoic 292: Memorize the Stoics with Dr. Kevin Vost Still struggling with balancing hope and despair Considering playing game like RimWorld or Stellaris Seem popular among FoL members Started playing tennis again Oh yeah, it's Halloween today 🙂 Made me recall times in Mobile Legends Miss those times somewhat, yet know I shouldn't return to that Couple more games starting up on FoL Chair of Deception game unfortunately canned since not enough players Not sure if I should join one or both of these new games EDIT: Adding note after listening to Jordan Peterson podcast mentioned above Dr. Kreeft says something about how our free will is all interconnected Good choice you make now will ...

Completed a few tasks I'd been delaying Day going well so far Chatted with Silviu a bit He was talking about his goal in learning multiple languages For working towards future goal in becoming a translator Replied to Jane's recommendation to watch anime called Bocchi the Rock If I had seen mention of it before and the general theme, I probably wouldn't have taken a 2nd look About girls in a rock band However, since Jane highly recommended it, I read a little more and see it is about social anxiety Others highly recommend it as well So placed it on my watch list

Moving forward Prepared some things for future progress Brainstorming further ideas Time passing so quickly Need to stay focused and not go off on too many tangents at once Watched episode 6 of Rings of Power Enjoying this series I've read people criticize how it departs from Tolkien's actual lore Still enjoying it and not thinking too much about that Need to figure out audiobooks to listen to Even re-listening to some would be good Listening to Making Sense podcast Making Sense #291: Where is Happiness? Buddhism term "metta" translates to "loving kindness" Buddhism term "mudita" translates to "sympathetic joy"

It's been time for me to change my profile pic. I took the time to animate one of Scathach. I know that the profile doesn't really show her cool weapons, but I do like this view of her.

Sometimes I wonder if my ideas are utter foolishness or if there is truly a heroism in them. Like right now, I want to bring people together. I want to find ways to create and promote communities. Yet I also know I don't have the talent to do this alone. I'm not good at maintaining such things. I can only support and hope that things continue to grow on their own. I've been pondering whether to do more about FoL. Should I bother with trying to improve it? Is it really my place to do so anyway? I'm somewhat an outsider still. So why do I care so much? I'm still wondering about talking with Chloe or Arete to get their views on how things are going. And then I've considered starting discussions on the forum, possibly even the weekly discussions about topics. Should I bother? And there are still Miach and Shade. I've abandoned them for too long. How do I return? What will it be like? I'm pretty sure they would welcome me back wholeheartedly. And I can probab...

Find myself constantly fluttering between hope and despair throughout the day So easily affected by changing circumstances And by even just thoughts of upcoming events

Regretted getting up this morning Wasn't looking forward to a couple tasks for the day However they ended up going more smoothly than expected Yesterday evening had some troublesome happenings Trying to take them in stride though Everything is for a purpose I will look towards my quest Considering offering to backup game on 17th Shard LG 90 game didn't list any pinch-hitters Looks like a large player list with many new people Could see that there might be need for backup Game on FoL filling slowly Started listening again to song Rise Up by Beyonce Beyonce - Rise Up (Epic Movie Clip HD) - YouTube Use to love listening to this 🙂 Inspires me to strive to inspire others, especially children Movie Epic was really good too Constant struggle not simply letting myself slide into despair Sometimes just so tired of fighting But isn't the struggle what makes us feel life? I can understand that conceptually, but still want to give up sometimes I see more and more that habits and ri...

Signed up for Secret Societies game on FoL Considering whether to ask Chloe about how things are going with FoL Want to ask about any issues or plans Maybe I'll write a post and have some polls about various things Trying to get myself involved in more projects that make me feel good Continuing to watch Lycoris Recoil Not sure whether to keep playing much on BGA Fun sometimes yet also gets repetitive Feel like sometimes I'm just playing to try to make progress in the Arena Think I should probably play more real-time games on there instead Difficult to guarantee stretch of time for that though Trying not to dwell on how despicable some people can be Difficult to balance being forgiving and merciful with being a pushover Realize I need to work out these issues before I become someone with more power and influence Subconsciously I might be holding myself back since I know I'm not ready Need to care yet not care I see the contradictions in the messages I hear, yet I also feel l...

Feeling pretty good this morning Something could suddenly turn that all around For now, though, things are fine 🙂 Finished reading Sunreach Rated 4/5 stars Interesting to read from another character's point of view in this series Though want to quickly return to Spensa's story Sorting through my plans for the week Want to make some significant steps for my quest Signed up for the next FoL Chair of Deception game Looks like it might take a while to fill

Feel better being prepared Yet never feel quite prepared enough Also constantly worried about possible dangers Improving at fencing Won against a couple tough opponents last time My niece was bragging about me 🙂 Coach likes my foot movements Going to push myself forward in other areas starting next week

Attention is our life Listening to Time Management for Mortals series by Oliver Burkeman in Waking Up app Need to get use to making more decisions rather than less Distractions like TV or the Internet themselves aren't the cause of the problem They are just the places we go because of a discomfort over confronting other issues Removing one form of distraction will just make us seek out other forms Learn to enjoy engaging in difficult things Kindle a willingness to feel the discomfort Is this like becoming antifragile? Stressful weekend coming up After that, things will go more smoothly again

Keep to the mission So much could derail me this week Want to get something done on Project SV! How do I better deal with problem people around me? I can't remove them from my life Even if I could, more would fill their place I need to learn to deal with these things I feel like Takina learning from Chisato Working on setting things up for smoother operations

Yesterday was fairly successful Completed one planned task in good timing Completed another task I had hoped to do and did successfully Also accomplished something on my own that I use to dread having to ask others to do Happy that I can handle it by myself in the future Today was so-so Couple times I almost worried myself too far, but got over it Feel tired this evening Dread talking with family about things Feel like I just get negative feedback Overcame a near fall into depression Reminded myself that I'm on a mission Want to solidify my thoughts on this Watched 1st episode of anime called Lycoris Recoil Seems like an interesting show Like Chisato's desire to just help people with her talent

Reading Hero on a Mission yesterday Started to feel more inspired again Wrote some things down for me to do Need to write out a life plan of some sort Not sure if I'll follow exactly what the book suggests So tired this morning Thought I've been sleeping okay Apparently I need more rest Sudden thought came to me that I need more decorative items around me Things to remind me of my path Perhaps things related to knights Would be so cool to have a Saber figurine I tend to shirk off these things, but perhaps they are important I used to have things around me when I was a teenager Resolved some problems

Feeling kind of strange today Almost like I'm starting to get sick Maybe just a little queasy from nervousness Feel lost  Probably good I didn't join FM game yet Too much going on to focus yet Feel like things are settling and yet they aren't So much yet that is changing or could change suddenly Didn't reply much yesterday Really should today Just don't feel like getting into more discussions on things Having difficulty viewing problems as "challenges" Everything seems to take longer than expected Often more issues crop up But this should be a good thing, right? Gives me more to do and challenge myself? 🙂 The point is the path and not the destination, right? I'm trying to convince myself of this... Music helps

I can't focus!!! Need to just keep it to small steps! Going to try listening to Stoic podcasts again Sunday Stoic 285: Oikeiosis Sunday Stoic 286: Meditations X.1-3: Align Your Natures Sunday Stoic 287: Part of the Whole. Meditations 10.4-10.6 Sunday Stoic 288: Meditations 10.7: Change is not Evil Sunday Stoic 289: Meditations 10.8 How to find the Fortunate Islands Sunday Stoic 290: Wise Up With Karen Duffy

Having difficulty focusing on anything Too much to think about Too much upcoming Still considering joining the FM game Problem is that I have an upcoming trip next week Might not be able to post for a few days Miach sent more emails I replied to one about a song from Against The Current Feeling tired

Today is Taiwan's national day! 🙂 Glad to see more and more people around the world supporting Taiwan Saw article about Taiwanese citizen's being more inspired to protect their country based on Ukraine's example Still feeling kind of weird about my direction Trying to just choose things to move forward on Created mindmap named Forward for listing areas where I can make progress on Still not sure on whether to join the next FM game on FoL This week shouldn't be too bad Weekend went pretty well Miach contacted me again with a supportive message Shade has pinged me on Discord Really should respond soon SM from Fiverr gave me some stuff to look at for the FoL database search Little confusing, but will try to find time to check it out Not exactly sure what his timeline is for the rest Urgent issues coming in

Osie made a goodbye post on FoL that has me somewhat rattled Feel like making a reply Not sure how much I want to get involved Not sure exactly how I feel about Osie Not sure exactly how I feel about the situation Wondering whether to send a message to Chloe Finished a few tasks Saturday Hoping this upcoming family trip goes well Feeling somewhat heavy tonight Like I'm in the middle of endings and beginnings Thinking about joining a FM game soon Earlier thinking about Sassy from my Mistborn clan Miss her Hope she and the baby are doing well

Oh, I'm improving at fencing! 🙂 Going to continue practicing motions on my own when possible Thinking about making a tube thing for practicing my grip Doing good at some small routines Feeling more hopeful in general Still wary Reached gold in the BGA arena for Martian Dice Enjoying artwork by Dylan Kowalski Love the realism Been taking note of his work a while now Glad he's been continuing his work

Not sure that I have much to say, but want to keep up the writing habit Trying to start practicing fencing a bit on my own Thought about looking for videos on YouTube Think I just need more familiarity with movements to be more comfortable Got done with some errands I'd been putting off Still more to do Still struggling with depression once in a while Again, think I need to establish more routines Also need to take on more challenges and be open to difficulties Need more reading! Why do I keep putting this aside? Still feeling urge to play something Yet still feel hesitant to start anything Kind of worried about getting interrupted all the time

I'm such a wimp at fencing 😔 I'm way too cautious Need to work on getting more aggressive This is a good example of how I am at life in general Need to be less uncertain Need to stop overthinking Still loving Rings of Power J is absolutely crazy! She'll switch between emotions so suddenly Start complaining fervently about some small matter Start complaining about something that she caused Once she starts complaining about one matter, she'll bring in all past matters again Feel like I have more to get off my mind, but can't think of it now 🙂

Rings of Power is really good so far Mindmapped the major "obstacles" in my life Not quite so bad when viewed in perspective Helps by watching shows and hearing stories, both real life and fantasy, about much worse things people could be going through Guy on Fiverr started working again on database search for FoL archive Hopefully can get done soon Not sure if Orange still has an event planned

Need to get more serious about routines I think I thrive on them Still find it hard not to allow myself to get distracted and skip routines How can I keep to them better? Vulgard's birthday today Wazza's birthday yesterday Hero on a Mission book is excellent Need to keep reading it Maybe finish this week Going to look into the life plan worksheets Helping me to fight the victim mentality Keep wanting to play Forum Mafia again Just don't think I can handle it right now Wondering if I should throw myself into a game anyway Still trying to figure out how to organize all these thoughts in my mind Mindmaps help sometimes Lists help sometimes How can I make things more into missions? J continuing to annoy everyone around them