Lost Whyspers

I keep feeling that I want and need to write more, but then I have trouble getting myself to do it. I know I should make it a habit to write a little each day and build up, but even that little bit is difficult. I somehow sense that I'm afraid? Afraid of where things might lead? But that seems silly... I've been having a growing sense of moving away from things. I feel like I'm going to eventually move away from participating on FoL. And even Discord in general maybe. I don't go there much anymore. But where will I go? I know I need connections... My life is a swirl of possibilities right now. I feel hopeful, yet also hesitant. I don't want to put my hopes too much into anything. Everytime I do, I find that something comes up and either gets in the way or completely destroys what I had. Yet I must move on. I must keep going and hoping and making steps however I can. It will all build up and lead to something, right? It must.

Keep avoiding writing for some reason Making myself just jot down a quick list so this doesn't continue Want to write more fully soon Still avoiding Discord and most social interaction Why do I keep avoiding people instead of reaching out? I know I need to talk more I know I don't need to expect people to solve my problems I know I should focus on other people to take away my self-centered focus on my own problems I think part of the issue is that I don't want to disappoint others I don't want to feel responsible Excited about Brandon Sanderson's Secret Project #2 Listening to audiobook for Murderbot book 1 Not really feeling like playing much Watched Andor TV series recently and enjoyed it

Replied to Sassy Messaged me on my birthday last month Sounds like she is going through struggles Feel bad that I didn't see the message sooner and reply Sounds like she wants to talk about her struggles Not sure I'm someone who can really help since I don't handle my own struggles very well However I do certainly understand the need to talk about things with people I don't do that very well myself though Replied to Shade Really has been too long since I said anything He was kind to message me I do see that he's been streaming on Twitch most nights Someday maybe I'll drop in and watch while he's live Worked on getting done with a number of little tasks Feels good Reading less than usual Think I need to get into a novel again Playing Marvel Snap and Othercide lately Still don't think I'm ready to play Forum Mafia again

Longer I stop writing, the harder it is to get back into it Thought about writing something in long form, but going to stick with this bullet journal for the time being Reading Things That Matter lately Really loved reading Tress of the Emerald Sea recently Written by Brandon Sanderson and part of the Cosmere Started playing Marvel SNAP Cool to play in short bursts Also started playing Othercide Cool theme and atmosphere Finished with Project CT recently

I decided it was time to change my profile pic again. This is a beautiful drawing by Nixeu of Ashe from League of Legends.

Going way too long without writing Wanted to write out something long about recent thoughts Settled on doing a bullet list for now Still need to get around to reading comments on my blog Still need to get around to logging into Discord again Still need to get around to communicating with friends Still need to write Still have so much I want to read Currently reading  Tress of the Emerald Sea  by Brandon Sanderson Also started reading  Things That Matter: Overcoming Distraction to Pursue a More Meaningful Life  by Joshua Becker Watching some Classroom of the Elite  anime recently So many thoughts in my head

I just realized that I haven't been getting any email notifications about comments on my blog. I see that I've missed lots of them and need to go through them soon. It looks like the setting for getting email notifications was disabled for some reason, which is pretty stupid. I also need to get back into writing more regularly. Not sure why I've been feeling reluctant to write. Though at the same time I feel eager to get my thoughts out. Weird.

I've been pondering a lot about what I live for. What gives meaning to my life? That seems like an important question to answer. Yet sometimes it feels like a trick question that will absorb all your time trying to figure out. That maybe it is best to just do what you can with little things in daily life and little wins here and there and not worry about that big question. Sometimes I think I have an answer and it motivates me for a time. Maybe not always the full answer, but I get a feeling like I'm on the verge of knowing the answer and if I just pursue it down a certain path, it will become more and more clear. But then things overtake me and I soon forget where I'm going. Is it getting any better the longer I live? I have this hope and faith that it is. So even though I've failed so many times in the past, I have become more experience and wise hopefully that when I get on the path again, I'm be better prepared to follow through. And that will my experience and ...

Awww man, just got news that something I thought I was done with 3 years ago is coming back to trouble me again Now more troublesome due to being in the US Oh well, I guess I just have to deal with it Ups and downs as usual Haven't felt like coming here to write Yet so many things I wish I had written about I took some notes of things Continuing to read Cytonic Listened to dramatized audiobook of Emperor's Soul , which I previously read Felt as amazing as it was reading it the first time Feel like I'll probably listen to it again in the future Started listening to dramatized audiobook of White Sand Another one by Brandon Sanderson Originally just a graphic novel (comic book) Don't enjoy reading those Thrilled to find out there was an audiobook instead

I switched over to a new profile pic of a winter girl. I animated it with the falling snow.

First post of the year Mind is such a clutter Still trying to figure out the best way to sort through everything Keep needing to force myself to take things a piece at a time Finished watching Rings of Power a few days ago Last episode of the season felt rushed Overall I still enjoyed the series Probably will watch season 2 when that comes out Guitar learning has improved after switching to new tutorial videos Started playing Guild Wars 2 Huge install Just trying it out since I heard positive things about this MMO Not sure that I'll continue Find myself getting bored easily with games now Maybe not bored exactly, but just questioning whether they are worth playing Still avoiding a number of social interactions Though did successfully navigate a difficult conversation yesterday